Tir-na Nog'th, year four, day 108 continued

Riftvan used a glamour to disguise my current clothing until I have a chance to change. Pity he can't do that all the time, but he says the glamour itself would be obvious, even if what it was hiding wasn't. He wanted me to leave the twins behind, but I still can't bring myself to do that. I don't think I will be able to for a long time.

I can't get over the name of this place. Tir-na Nog'th. Land of Night in the faerie tongue. It can't be a coincidence. How are the two connected? Are the images controlled from here somehow? Is that why the visions lied to me the one time I went there? Why is it that the answers to the simplest questions always spawn so many more? I wonder if anything odd happens here during the full moon? Assuming they even have a moon.

Riftvan still won't answer any of my questions about Sand. Not that I was expecting him to. If she wasn't here, I doubt I'd be giving her much thought. But she is, and Delwin probably is as well, and that bothers me. I know I heard them say something about the children. I don't like the idea of something happening to the twins that I'm not aware of. I trust that Riftvan won't hurt them, but Sand's record is far from spotless. Why can't he understand that? I'm sure he has some clever plan for dealing with her. I know him well enough to know that he won't forget she double-crossed him. But her presence makes me nervous.

Evening

I was actually starting to feel better about being here. That was before I got a Trump call. It wasn't a full contact, just the barest feeling of one, but I blocked it anyway. I wonder, if I'd tried to accept it, would it have gone through? I thought Riftvan said Trump wouldn't work here? He didn't look pleased when I told him of the contact. This does not bode well. Who could it have been? Not that many people have Trumps of me. It couldn't have been Ahab. He doesn't have the strength. One of the redheads? Possibly. But why would one of them be trying to contact me? Why would anyone? Do they think I was kidnapped? Or are they trying to find Riftvan for some reason and figure we're probably together? Shit. They probably want to question him about his involvement with Sand. Between what Foster said, and Riftvan's double-crossing bitch remark, it was obvious that they'd been working together in the past. And since Sand was trying to kill Random... But if Riftvan was helping her with that, he never would have told us who Nanna was. Unfortunately, Sand's presence here doesn't help matters any. I suppose it's too much to hope that she's left. I'd like to believe that whoever it was can't enter this Shadow, but if Sand can... Why did this have to happen now?

At least the women here wear their hair in the same manner that I do. My hair is the only thing that didn't change. I still can't get used to this. I had to cover all the mirrors in my quarters. Every time I see my reflection, it startles me. I don't know the person staring back at me. Nothing in my life has really prepared me for this. How does Riftvan deal with it? What frightens me is that I might get too used to this form. What if I actually start thinking of it as me, instead of the shape I was born with? Would that make it my true form? What exactly is a true form anyway? Can it change? So many questions I'd never really thought about before, but I can't stop myself now. I feel so lost.

Riftvan returned my Trumps. He also showed me a good place to hide them. He seemed as surprised as I that a Trump was able to reach me here. Apparently this place has a natural resistance to them and no one's ever tried to Trump him while he's here. Unfortunately, this means that whoever was trying to reach me must be pretty strong. Not a comforting thought.

Riftvan did the oddest thing before he left. He kissed me and wished me luck, then left before I could respond. Good luck? With what? What did he mean by that? Is he going to leave me here alone, before I even know the language? Whatever he was referring to, I doubt I'm going to like it.

This castle sucks, from a strategic standpoint. It's as bad as when I was trying to protect Murine in Gérard's summer house. There's too many windows, and the doors aren't very sturdy. If someone wants to get in here, I have no real way to stop them. If I'm lucky I can slow them down, but... I liked my life better when my greatest concern about my sleeping quarters was not how to keep someone out.

I knew Sand was going to be trouble. Gods above, I pray she didn't find the twins. She wasn't carrying them, and I didn't see anyone else with her. Then again, I have no idea how long I was unconscious, but it didn't seem like very long. I don't understand why Psychic Disrupt didn't work. From everything Riftvan taught me, it should have broken the contact. As it is, I didn't even make it out of the room. I hope someone heard the scream. It would appear that Sand outstrips me as much in fighting skill as she does in psychic ability. At least my nose will heal. She found all of my hidden daggers, and naturally Alastor is gone. There's nothing in this cell that could be used as a weapon. But she missed my Trumps. I don't know how she could have. Maybe she didn't bother because they won't work here? Or she wants me to use them? What if she has a trap set up for whoever I Trump? I may have to chance it. There's no way to get through the door. I don't have the tools or the experience to pick the lock. I tried Weaken Structure on it, but nothing happened. It feels like magic's being blocked. I don't think faerie magic is, which would be much more useful if I knew how to use it. Maybe I can get out the next time she opens the door. She'll probably be expecting it, but I have to at least try. Why is she holding me in the first place?

It was a nice idea. Unfortunately, Sand had company with her this time. Company big enough to fill up the entire door. And carrying a huge ax. I didn't even bother. Sand left him here. Which will definitely make escape more difficult. I was able to briefly make mental contact with him, but since I couldn't get close enough to touch him, it had to be through eye contact. He broke free before I could immobilize him, but I learned enough from his mind to know why I had such difficulty. His name is Usires, and he's an Amberite. Sand had him walk the Pattern in Tir-na Nog'th, although he thinks it was a dream. How does Sand keep finding us? All of us that were raised in Shadow have been found by her or those working with her. Do the Spikards help her with this?

Sand is Usires' benefactress, and she's left him orders to guard me. I believe her exact words were "Do what you want with her but I need her alive." Lovely. At least he doesn't seem inclined to follow some of the more unsavory aspects of his culture. My faerie form may be helping in this matter. Apparently his culture considers faeries to be evil, but he's never seen one before. I think coming face to face with one is making him nervous. Eral only knows what he'd try if I were human. I'd rather not think about it. I told him a little about Amber and Shadow. I even offered to take him there to prove I'm telling the truth. Sand didn't say he had to keep me here, after all. But it's slow going. Even Felix on his worst day isn't this thick. Most of the time, all he does is grunt. But I have to keep trying. The odds of my subduing him unarmed while he has that ax are pretty slim.

I managed to check my Trumps without Usires catching on. There are three new ones: Delwin, Alex and Mary. This last one puzzles me. Why would Riftvan give me a Trump of Heather's lover? Come to think of it, why give me those three at all? I tried my Trump of Amber, but it's too far. We must be pretty close to Chaos. Bleys' Trump had similar problems. I didn't want to try Riftvan's, in case it was a trap. Alex's worked, but I got only blackness when the contact went through. I could hear him, but the contact was broken before I could say anything.

Foster has joined me in my imprisonment. Riftvan brought him here. I guess I know why Sand is holding me now. I've been worried about someone attacking the twins, but I never thought that someone would go after me alone. There was never any reason before. Foster said he's never seen Riftvan in that sort of mood before. Why such conflicting emotions? Riftvan apparently said something about getting the other children quickly. Damn. If I wasn't here, this wouldn't be happening. We've got to get out of here.

Riftvan is working quickly, I'll say that. Sand deposited Eris and Emer in here shortly after Foster. At least she moved Usires out of the room, which frees us to work on escaping. Foster was able to shape his fingers into the form of the door key and now Eris is creating another one. I didn't know Driscoll had taught her that. I'm hoping Sand doesn't know either. Once the key is finished, maybe I can distract Usires long enough for the others to get away. In the meantime, I'm going to try my Trumps again. Maybe one of the other new ones will work. I don't know what Sand is planning, but kidnapping the daughters of the Crown Princes of Chaos and Amber seems unwise in the extreme.

I finally got through to Alex but he couldn't hear me. I was about to ask one of the children for help when Alex finally responded. I think that's when Mary joined the connection. It's curious that they were together. Why did Mary break my contact with her if she was willing to join the one with Alex? I didn't have time to do much more than tell them who Sand was holding before she returned with Nicholas. Ahab must be furious. This is going to make escaping more difficult. At least the children managed to conceal the key in time.

What is Sand expecting to gain from this? Taking so many children is insane. None of their parents will stand for it, and some of them are in Sand's league, or pretty damn close to it. What could be worth that kind of risk? She already controls the Spikards.

I'm free, but I find no joy in this. It's all my fault. All of the children are hers because of me. I didn't want to leave them in her hands, especially the baby. I came close to attacking her as she stood there. If Riftvan hadn't caught my eye, I might have. It would have been easier than walking away. We have to rescue them. By ourselves, if need be. I won't be able to rest until they're safe. He should have let her kill me. I'm not worth all of their lives. Thank the gods she left the twins alone.

Riftvan says Sand wants the Jewel in exchange for the children. Even Felix found that hard to believe. This whole thing seems awfully sloppy. As if it was thrown together at the last minute, instead of being carefully planned like her use of Foster was. Her demand would explain why she wanted Foster to kill Random. The Jewel would be much easier to steal under those circumstances. But why is she rushing things at this point? What prompted her urgency?

Ahab recognized me despite my current state. He's the only one who has. Not surprising. Not only am I a faerie but I look a sight right now. I think Ahab will forgo killing Riftvan, at least for now, but I had to explain the reason for Riftvan's actions. It's not something I want to publicize widely. For one thing, I don't enjoy being a target. I can't understand why Riftvan cooperated with Sand. There must have been some other way.

Mandor is able to access Tir-na Nog'th. Apparently he collects people's souls in those silver balls of his, and there was a sorcerer from Tir that disappeared some time ago... The thought of being trapped in those balls for all eternity gives me the shivers.

Amber

Ahab has a spear which, judging by my reaction to it, I can only assume is made of cold iron. At least Riftvan's not in his faerie form right now. No one seems to know anything about Usires' origins, at least not that they will admit. I wish I knew why Benedict wanted to see my hand before he left.

I forgot to mention that becoming faerie means losing Pattern. Naturally Riftvan failed to mention it either. Ahab looked most displeased. I can understand why, but there is no other way for him to come with us. Unless he wants to wait for Mandor, which means he's likely to arrive too late. At least he wasn't changed as drastically as I was. He should be thankful. Still, it troubles me that I forgot the Pattern's loss so soon. It's been less than a day. Does it mean so little to me?

Riftvan says Sand is unlikely to have much in the way of guards, other than Usires and those wolves of hers. All of the faeries follow Riftvan. Why does she have so little in the way of defenses? She must have known we'd come after her. Did she think Riftvan wouldn't help? Or did she figure she'd be gone by the time we managed to get there? I hope we're not too late.

Tir-na Nog'th

We've found four of the children. Eris was badly frightened and wouldn't let go of my legs until we sent her back to Amber. Foster is gone. Apparently he was the only one that Usires managed to recapture. Sand left with him not long ago. Felix knocked Usires out when he found out. It's much less than Usires deserves. To hurt children like that... I don't care how much Sand duped him, it's wrong no matter what you're told. I hope Riftvan can take us to Sand before she finds another hiding place.

Benedict looks like a faerie, even though he was human when he left. I guess I know why he wanted to see my hand. So besides being an incredible fighter and a sorcerer, he may also be a shapeshifter. Is there anything he can't he do?

Amber

We got Foster away from Sand, but it cost him two of his fingers. Riftvan took us to her, but I haven't seen him since. I haven't seen Benedict either. We could have used his help. We arrived twenty feet in front of Sand. Why didn't Riftvan bring us in behind her? I don't understand how those gates of his work, but it should have been possible. We're lucky she didn't kill Foster. Ghostwheel can't locate her, so she must have reached some place Pattern won't work. I pray she hasn't returned to Tir-na Nog'th. I wish I could get back there. I'm worried about the twins. Where is Riftvan? I can't reach him over Trump. We've got to find Sand. As long as she lives, I think she'll keep coming after the Jewel. And she's proved she's willing to do just about anything to get it. We can't let her go.

Ahab and I both find this whole thing disquieting. It doesn't add up. What set Sand off? Hell, what set her after me? I couldn't even get Riftvan to admit that he cared about me until earlier today. All of my relatives are convinced that he's using me. Why would Sand assume differently? And I can't believe no one's ever tried something like this on Riftvan before. Surely the Hendrakes have. He can't have lived as long as he has if he's always given in to kidnappers. Why did he wish me luck before he left? And put a glamour on my Trumps? There's one possibility that might explain it, and I don't like it at all. I pray that I'm wrong.

"Outrageous Fortune"
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All text on this page is © 1994-1998 by Kris Fazzari.

Last modified on August 18, 1998 by Kris Fazzari.