Amber, year one, day 134 continued

Evening

This family has entirely too many secrets! I learned a few new ones today. Dworkin was a Chaosite. Barimen was the name of his house, our family name. I always thought it rather odd that we did not have one. When he drew the Pattern, the rest of his family killed themselves. No wonder they hated him so much when we were in Chaos after Patternfall. I would have liked to learn more, but Merlin was nervous telling me even that much. I wonder what he is afraid of.

I tried asking Merlin about Ariadne's grandmater, but he avoided that topic altogether. He assumed that I was referring to Benedict's mater, though, and it sounded like she is still alive, so I suppose I learned something. If Merlin knows of her, then perhaps she resides in Chaos. I wonder if she was from there originally? After all, it is not clear when Oberon was born. Perhaps he was alive and married when Dworkin drew the Pattern, and they fled from Chaos together. It seems less likely that relations between Dworkin and Chaos were good enough after the Pattern was created that Oberon could have married a Chaosite then. Still, stranger things have happened.

We managed to rescue Corwin. While we were talking with Merlin, we learned that Corwin's Trump still felt cool to him. We decided to join together and try to contact Corwin again, and this time it worked. The Trump went black, and we could not see a thing, but the voice was unmistakably Corwin's. I asked if he needed assistance, but he did not think we could help him. We were trying to ascertain his location when it occurred to me that the only thing stopping us from helping him right now was the fact that we could not see. I suggested passing a light through the Trump. Merlin was able to light a candle (without the use of any kind of fire-starting device), and handed it through to Corwin. Once we had light, Ahab used his sword to sever Corwin's chains, and we pulled him through to us. I am surprised that it went so easily, after all the trouble we had rescuing Coral. Corwin looked very tired and hungry, so we urged Merlin to take him to his quarters. They could probably use some time together, anyway. Interestingly enough, Corwin knows who his abductors were, but refuses to reveal their identities. At least not when Alex asked. He did mention earlier that he thought he was being held near Chaos, though. Perhaps he was being held by a Chaosite and did not want another Chaosite to know? Or maybe it was just the usual Amberite secretiveness? At least he is alive and back in Amber.

Mebd is Heather's daughter. I must admit, I am quite surprised. Heather did not seem the type to get caught in such a situation, until recently. There is not much of a resemblance, at least not one that I have noticed. Perhaps she is adopted, as I was? If that is the case, she should make that distinction clear. It is dangerous to be assumed a descendent of Dworkin when that is not the case. What if someone assumed she could walk the Pattern? Of course, that would certainly prove things, one way of the other.

It seems that, once again, Heather was involved in something detrimental to Amber. She seems to have been instrumental in bringing the Left Eye of the Serpent to Amber. From what I have pieced together from talking to others, the Left Eye is some kind of counterpart to the Jewel of Judgment. Fiona is of the opinion that Dworkin has been trapped in it. At least that means he is not dead. Fiona seems to think that if he can be rescued, the Pattern will return. Random has organized a group to go to Chaos, presumably for that purpose.

For now, shifting Shadow is out of the question. When I Trumped Martin, he said that he was unable to do it anymore. Trumps appear to work as well as before, though. How fortunate for Heather. Rather suspiciously fortunate, actually.

She did turn herself in, though. I suppose that is something to her credit. Random talked with her, but he required all of us to leave first, except for Benedict, Flora, Vialle, and Heather's new friend, Mary. I was tempted to point out that I had as much a right as Flora to be there, but that would have meant revealing my parentage, and I am not ready to do that yet. I would lose far more than I would gain by revealing the truth. For now, I am treated as just another one of the younger generation, and gain a certain amount of leniency because of that. Besides, I would far rather have my nieces and nephews for companions than my half-siblings.

I do wish I had been able to stay, though. Heather said something that absolutely infuriated Benedict. He came storming out of Random's quarters in such a mood that no one would have wanted to be standing in his way right then. On a rather foolish whim, I followed him at a distance. I did not have far to go, as he went straight into the infirmary. I, of course, remained in the hall and listened. He asked Fiona to get Brand. Why he did not seek out Brand directly, I do not know. Perhaps Fiona was easier to find. Fiona would not obey him at first. She actually stood up to him! I find this somewhat reassuring. There are some people that even Benedict cannot just order around. On the other hand, I think I have an even better idea of why Sand feared Fiona so. Eventually, Fiona contacted Brand, and Benedict had Brand take him to Chaos. I pity those Chaosites who get in Benedict's way, providing they are not the ones responsible for what happened to Dworkin. Those Chaosites I hope die painfully.

I have been unable to contact Sand and warn her about recent events. Her Trump is cool, unlike Corwin's was, but something is blocking me. Perhaps she thinks I am too close to Fiona. I have had no success in finding Driscoll to borrow his Trump of Mirelle, so she remains unwarned as well. It is times like these when I think it would be truly nice to be able to draw Trumps. What a pity that the person I know who can is one I cannot trust.

Heather seems to have made some sort of an arrangement with Random, for he did not imprison her. Whatever deal she made may not be enough to save her, if Fiona was not able to repair the damage Heather did to Deirdre's mind. Ahab seemed to take the news remarkably well, although we both would have been happy to kill her when she emerged from Random's quarters. However, a remark he made at dinner causes me to suspect that he is only waiting for an appropriate time and place to settle the score. So I have restrained my own impulses, for he has far more reason to desire her death than I.

Heather actually had the audacity to send her daughter to beg me to give her another chance! The poor child actually thinks that as Amberites we should be above hate and vengeance. I do not know where she came up with that delusion. From the very first, it has been obvious that Amberites do not occupy their position of superiority based on their moral standards, but by their strength and power. Look at Corwin and Eric, squabbling over the throne while Chaos was sending armies against Amber. Even the gods are not immune to the pull of emotions.

Mebd asked me what Heather has done to deserve my enmity. Certainly her involvement with Brand's trap, the one that lured Driscoll into attempting her rescue so Brand could spill his blood on the Primal Pattern, is the earliest event. I disliked her before that, with her arrogant attitude, but it was not until that moment that I desired her death. Then she tricked Driscoll into rescuing Brand, who was not well at all at the time. I suspect she would be dead right now, if it was not for Brand's spell. Often I have been tempted to tell the others, but that would bring up too many questions. Still, it is frustrating to watch the others excuse Heather as just a poor dupe of her pater. She left Amber completely during Patternfall. I do not fault her for not fighting the battles, for she is obviously no warrior. But I am sure her skills with Trump would have been useful, had she offered them. She damaged Deirdre's mind while pretending to help her. And now, she brought into Amber the device used to trap Dworkin. Worst of all, she has never shown any remorse for her actions. Perhaps I could believe that she was not responsible for Dworkin's disappearance, that she did not mean to hurt Deirdre, that she was truly a pawn of Brand, if just once she acknowledged that she had made a mistake. But she never has. And so, I can only believe that she has always known exactly what she was doing.

Mebd claimed that I had not given Heather enough of a chance. And I will admit that Heather has occasionally done a kind thing, here and there. Her rescue of Coral. The fact that she returned to help escort Coral home. Her concern when Mebd was injured, although the reason for that is now more clear. I have even attempted to be nicer to her, on occasion. I actually scolded Felix once for yelling at her. However, it seems that whenever I start to think better of her, she does something to make me realize how foolish I am for doing so. It will take a great deal for me to give her another chance now.

Late evening

Dinner was relatively uneventful. Heather had the good sense not to show up. Ahab says his mater is doing better. Fiona seems to have taken an interest in Merlin. She asked to speak to him after dinner. I hope he knows what he is in for. We were talking about Shadows, and I happened to mention that Shard had some interesting experiences in them. I was trying to draw him into the conversation, since he almost never says anything. And I thought it was unusual that he could not find Battlestar, since Ahab had such an easy time finding Zero. He did not seem to appreciate my efforts. Rather, he kicked me under the table. He is fortunate that he did not meet my gaze, or I would have taught him not to do that again. The final opinion on the matter seemed to be that Shard could not find Battlestar because Julian owned him, not Shard. That is ridiculous! I could raise a horse from birth, or forge myself a sword, but I doubt I could ensure finding it again were it lost in Shadow. Of course, I could find a Shadow of such things, so it would not matter. I think it has more to do with special things, and who arranged their creation. Zero, for example, is no longer an ordinary horse. Driscoll's conjurations changed that, but they linked Zero to Ahab in the process. Driscoll even warned Ahab that this would happen. Ahab's sword is linked to him in the same way. Julian no doubt shares a similar link with all of his Stormhounds.

I also determined that my ability to sense the Logrus still exists, even without the Pattern. Alex practically reeked of it when he came walking into dinner. He obviously could not wait to explore the Castle, now that he does not need to fear the Pattern's presence.

I hope we are able to find Dworkin. Despite his craziness, he was interesting to talk to. Plus, he is the most likely person to know what happened to my mater. Damn Heather! May Haldor cause her to suffer when she dies.

"Outrageous Fortune"
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All text on this page is © 1993 by Kris Fazzari.

Last modified on November 9, 1993 by Kris Fazzari.