Vetchways, year 27, day 245 continued

Afternoon

I guess things have changed here more than I expected. Lucien says all of the houses are 3-4 times larger than they were before Zane came to power. Large enough that people don't even need to marry outside of their house, anymore. It seems odd to think of House Vetch as being that large, when it barely existed outside of Lucien before. But if all of the Courts are so much larger, what's keeping them from attacking Amber? Especially when Nicholas is busy making war on Faerie? He did free them from Zane, but that won't matter to some, especially those who still harbor old grudges against Amber. Or those who supported Zane, and resent Nicholas for his interference. Lucien says that Chaos is unlikely to attack Amber while Despil is in charge. And of course, one of Lucien's jobs is to make sure that Despil stays in charge. I suppose I could tell myself that at least he's killing in a good cause, but that doesn't make it much easier to think about. But...if he might help prevent someone from eliminating Despil, the way Zane killed Gramble, with all the horror that followed... Damn, why is nothing ever simple anymore?

The children have yet to run out of energy exploring this place. I suppose I should be grateful. The newness of it all keeps them from missing their old home. I'm worried about Bryan more than the girls. Ana and Briana have each other to play with, but Bryan's playmates are in Amber, with their mothers. I've been spending a lot of time with him to compensate, and so far he seems to be happy. The older children have been pretty much left on their own, since at 17 they hardly require my supervision. It seems they have some vague memories of the time they spent here when they were five, enough to make it not so strange to them. Well, all of them except for Vincent. I'm still worried about him. I know Fiona claimed he be safe where he is, but how can I be sure of that? And what if he needs help? He could be somewhere safe from attack, but if he is unconscious, he could die eventually of dehydration. I can't just leave him out there, for what could be days, or weeks, or gods forbid, even months. I have to find him. Even if it means asking Fiona to help me do so. I just hope she is willing to do so.

Evening

My plans to search for Vincent appear to have been rendered moot, as Whimsy has beaten me to the punch. She has him at Jesbyways. It isn't the fact that she found him first that bothers me. But the fact that she didn't ask me to come along in the search for my own child, or even have the courtesy to tell me that she'd found him... What possible reason could she have for doing that?

Jesbyways

Vincent is in a coma. It reminds me somewhat of how he was after the two Planes of Trump merged...mainly in how he seems to have more Trump energy present than he can handle. I remember all too well how that felt myself. And how I was unable to do anything the last time other than keep him alive and pray that he'd wake up. I fear his state now is no different. Except that now, in addition to the fever, he has periods of extreme cold as well...Trump cold. I just hope he fares better when he comes out of it this time. Last time, he wound up unable to speak for a time...and possessed by Sand.

I don't understand Whimsy at all. She has no idea of how to take care of Vincent, but she seemed positively offended when I told her that what she wanted to do would harm him. She even went so far as to imply that I routinely poison people. What's going on with her? I appreciate that she found him, but I really would feel better if he was with me. I at least have some medical training, and it would be easier to take care of him at Vetchways, rather than constantly traveling to Jesbyways. Not to mention that it would look rather odd for him to be left here, given that Whimsy and the Jesbys have no ties to him whatsoever. Surely, she must understand that.

Somewhere unknown

This makes no sense. One minute, I'm trying to bring Vincent home, the next, I'm in Castle Amber. The old Castle Amber. I'd think I was dreaming, if it wasn't for the two Jesby servants who are here with me. But Vincent is not. Why? I suppose I should be grateful, since it would be hard to carry him around this place, and at least I can hope that he's still safe with Whimsy. But it still leaves the question of why he is not here with us. Is this Sand's doing, somehow? Could she have used the increased Trump energy to manipulate the Trump in some fashion? But Brand said he merged her with Vincent, so how could she act independently? Still, it would explain why we're in the old castle, or what appears to be the old castle. Sand never saw the new one, at least not from the inside. The question is, where is this exactly, and how do we get out? Trump doesn't work, nor does magic or Pattern, and I can't even access the 'Tween. I think that disturbs me more than anything else. The 'Tween is everywhere. Where could we be that we're beyond it?

This place grows more and more disturbing by the minute. There is nothing but blackness outside. Not the dark of night, but the dark of an endless void. And things are...strange here. My quarters may appear normal at first glance, but when I look carefully, there are things missing. It's as if someone took a quick look around and tried to reproduce the appearance of them, but not in any real detail. And the furniture...I broke a chair leg off, on the off chance that there are any vampires wandering around, and the chair grew a new leg. Not what I was expecting to happen, nor were my Jesby companions. I wish they had some skill with a blade...I'd feel better if they were capable of defending themselves. What's even stranger is that there is an almost Trump-like quality about the furniture in the room. Even in the wall of the castle itself. And something else...sentience, perhaps? I can't be sure. Even my sword has the same feel to it, which makes me wonder if anything we have is real. Not my Trump deck certainly. I'd wonder if I was even really here, but my body doesn't feel like the rest of this place, and I can still feel the baby. Whatever else the rest of this place is, my body, at least, seems to be mine. Even if I can't find a mirror anywhere to be sure that I still look the same. I suppose I must, though, for the Jesbys recognize me. And they appear unchanged.

The castle seemed empty before, but now I'm not so sure. First there were the glimpses I started catching, things disappearing around corners ahead of us, or behind us. So I found a defensible room and stopped to just listen. Really listen. For a few moments, I didn't hear anything unusual...then I heard a door open...and another slam. Definitely not an empty castle. Somehow I don't think the inhabitants will be friendly towards us, either. If only I could figure out who was behind this. Maybe if I make some effort to contact that sentience I detected in the castle...

Well, that certainly brought a response, but not quite the one I was suspecting. I should be grateful, though. If all the lights hadn't been blown out, I'm not sure it would have occurred to me to try sonar. I had no reason to, while I could still see. But what I'm detecting now makes no sense whatsoever. There's nothing here. Nothing. No walls. No floor. No ceiling. Nothing whatsoever, except for the two Jesbys who are with me and...someone else. Someone far away. They're gone now, whoever they are. But I know where they were. And that's as good a direction as any to head.

This isn't real. I know it isn't. But it sounds real. It looks real. So very real. Ana's voice, crying out for me, screaming in pain... Her body, impaled on the wall, a sword through her throat, her body gutted... I close my eyes, and I still see it. But it's not real. My sonar shows nothing where her body hangs...nothing anywhere, except for my two companions. Thank Eral that I thought of the sonar. I think I'd be going out of my mind, otherwise. Gods, it even smells real.

Now it's Briana who's screaming. I tell myself that it's no more real than Ana was. I still don't detect anyone else in the castle. But it sounds just like her, and she sounds like she's being attacked...molested. Gods, I don't know how much more I can take of this.

I should have known we would wind up in Brand's quarters. And that I'd find Briana there. In his bed... I don't want to think about how she died. Even knowing it wasn't real, it's still so horrible. It's just like how Loryn died. That can't be a coincidence. It's too personal. Someone is doing this to me. Someone who can get into my head, and see all the things that frighten me. And I'm more and more certain that someone must be Sand. But how can I get beyond this illusion? I know the walls aren't here, but I still feel them. She's making me feel them, see them, hear them, smell them. I've got to get her out of my head, somehow. If I can somehow erect a barrier, like the one Vincent had, maybe I can free myself of this. I have to try. I don't know what else to do, and if I have to see any more of my children die... Illusion or not, I think I'll go mad.

Gods, I should have known Lasker would be next. Those poor Jesbys. If only I hadn't closed my eyes... No, that's what she wants me to think. I had to close my eyes to try and block out this illusion, and she doesn't want me to do that. So she makes me see Lasker, knowing how much I fear him. Gods, those poor boys. If Lasker isn't real, how did they die? But I can't detect him, and even a vampire has to be solid to feed. Is the illusion so strong that if we think we die here, we really do? And if so, does that mean if Lasker bites me, he could kill me? No, I know he's not real. The Jesbys didn't believe this is all an illusion, but I do. And if I can just get Sand out of my head, maybe I can find a way out of this.

I didn't think he'd be able to take my sword. Not without my being able to stop him. But just like that, it was gone. I lunged at him with my stake, but he used my own sword to cut the point off, rendering it useless. And then it hit me. The sword is part of this illusion. I determined that earlier. Which means it wouldn't be hard at all for its removal to be arranged. This still isn't real. I've got to remember that. I've got to close my eyes and focus. It's my only chance.

I feel ill. I know this isn't real, that he didn't really touch me, place his lips on my neck, but it felt so real...I couldn't help reacting. I grew spikes. Lots of spikes. All over my body. And then he wasn't touching me anymore. And illusion or no, I can't bring myself to shift back.

It's been an hour now. There have been no more attacks, no more screams from my children. But when I open my eyes, the walls are still there. I'm going to have to try something else. This may be keeping Sand from attacking me with her illusions, but I appear to be no closer to getting out of here. And I can't keep this barrier up forever.

Shit. I should have guessed. If Sand couldn't reach me with her illusions, she would be forced to face me herself. Unfortunately, I can't hit her, but she's proved more than capable of hitting me. The two crossbow bolts I have sticking out of me prove that. Gods, if I hadn't done a scan at that moment, right before she came in, if I hadn't had that split second's warning...I think I'd be dead right now, her bolt buried directly in my heart. She's no longer trying to torture me psychologically, she wants me dead. And there's a good chance she'll succeed. Her first bolt deflated a lung, and the one in my leg has severed the femoral artery. I'm losing blood quickly, I can barely breathe, and that door won't hold her for long... How did the bolts get through my armor? It's like it wasn't even there...

The door held her for even less time than I'd hoped. I barely had time to begin healing the arterial damage when she burst through the door...so I jumped out the window. I had no choice. If I stayed there, she would have killed me. Even this void is better than certain death. At the very least, it's bought me some time to heal. I just hope it's enough.

I'm in Vincent's head. I still can't quite believe it. Neither can he, from the sound of it. How can I be physically in his head? Mentally, I could understand, but my body? And if he doesn't know how I got in here, how do I get out? At least I know I did the right thing to jump out that window. The castle is Sand's domain. She controls everything there. And she's getting stronger, which might explain how she was able to bring me there. Thankfully, Vincent says she can't leave the castle. I'm not sure I'd survive another encounter with her. I'm worried about the fact that she's getting stronger, though. It must be due to the excess Trump energy in Vincent right now. If only I could do something to help him. He wants to find a way to get me out, and I want that too, but... As long as I'm stuck here, I'd like to do something to help him. Especially if there's a chance Sand could dominate him once more.

That was...decidedly odd. I don't think Whimsy expected me to be in contact with Vincent when she kissed him. It was a very strange feeling. Poor Vincent. He cares for her so much. I hope she isn't just toying with him. I think it would break his heart. And he's been through enough already.

Brand has joined us now. Which probably wouldn't bother me so much, if I hadn't seen all of those things in Sand's castle. He's leading us to the Keep of the Four Worlds - or at least something that looks like the Keep. I can't believe the real thing is in Vincent's head. It's crowded enough in here as it is.

So now what? Both Brand and Vincent have jumped into the Fount...or the representation of the Fount. Should I be following them? Is it the way out? I wish one of them had waited long enough to explain. The real Fount is dangerous to any but the Avatars to enter, and if that carries over to its representation here, then I shouldn't follow them. Especially in my condition. Unlike Brand and Vincent, my real body is here. Who knows what the Fount might do to me...or the baby? I can't take that risk.

I'm such...an idiot. Should have expected...Sand to show up. Getting stronger, Vincent said. Gods, this hurts! Think she just...missed my heart. Bolt is quivering...to my heartbeat. Too close. Too close. And she's running...running for the Fount. No! Won't...can't let her...get there. Can't let her...follow him. Won't let her hurt him...not again. Moving so...slowly... Must stop her... If I can just grab...a hold of her, without...getting shot again... Yes!

Jesbyways

I think I'm back. The floor feels so nice...cool. Losing blood...can barely move...have to stop it... There...that's done it...I think. I feel so tired. Where's Lucien? Oh, there. I knew he'd be here. See, I fixed the bleeding. But the bolt...it's still there. Shouldn't it be gone? Like Sand is gone? Ghost bolt from a ghost woman. I've been shot...by a ghost. How strange. So tired...

"Outrageous Fortune"
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All text on this page is © 1999 by Kris Fazzari.

Last modified on October 25, 1999 by Kris Fazzari.