Amber, year 27, day 204 (Wednesday, November 16, 4)

Morning

I wasn't expecting to be chasing after another missing relative in Faerie so soon. I'm not even sure why I'm bothering, in this case. Arawn is Jack's damn son, after all. Why should I help find him, after what Jack did to Grayson? Well, because it's not Arawn's fault that his father is a bastard, for one thing. If I punish him for who his father is, am I really any better than Jack? No, I have to help find the boy, if I can. Even if it means enduring Jack's presence. But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, just the same.

That was a rather odd conversation. Or half of a conversation. What has Ishmael done to Whimsy now? What could she have been told that would make Ishmael so nervous? Part of me wants to know, but perhaps I'm better off not knowing. Just like I'm probably better of not knowing what Ishmael meant by his last sentence. It could just be Ishmael being crude, but the implication was that when we went to Faerie to find Maddy, he did not "keep his dick in his pants." Was that the price the Unseelie queen demanded? It would make sense, from the faerie point of view. But I truly hope I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just reading too much into his remark.

Faerie

So close. We were so close to making it out. Or maybe it just seemed that way. Maybe we were trapped here from the moment we crossed into Unseelie lands. The more I think about it, the more sure I am that we were setup. They knew we were coming, and they knew just how to stop us. They knew specifically that *I* was coming, for certain. The dispel that is blocking me from using magic...it could not be this effective if I had not been Named by the caster. Funny how Jack took off just before we entered the 'Tween. Going to check things out from a distance, indeed. Going to warn the Unseelie King is more like it. Damn, I'm such an idiot! I should know better than most that where Jack is involved, nothing is what it seems. I should have paid more attention to my misgivings. If I manage to get out of this, I certainly will in the future. Jack can protect his own damn family from now on. I wash my hands of the lot of them.

The King of the Unseelie Court is Finndo! And he's a faerie! Of course! No wonder that faerie queen we met looked so much like Benedict. Just as he said, she's not descended from him, but from one of his brothers. From Finndo. But how did he wind up in Faerie? How did he become the Goblin King? And just what is he, anyway? From his appearance, I'd guess that he's taken the Faerie Ring, but if he's now a faerie, then how could his magic have Pattern in it? It makes no sense. When Lucien shifted me into a faerie form, I couldn't access the Pattern anymore. But obviously, Finndo must have found a way to do it. The question is, how?

Afternoon

I suppose I could appreciate the Unseelie sense of humor better, were I not a victim of it. How kind of them to insist that we join them at their banquet, when they know quite well that we dare not eat any of it. It's difficult to watch them eat and drink their fill, knowing that it may be days before we can do the same...if we ever can. Finndo is obviously holding us in exchange for something, and if he doesn't get it... It may come down to a choice between dying of dehydration, or becoming trapped in Faerie forever. And I don't particularly care for either option.

Evening

I hate playing hostage. I hated it when Sand used me in that role all those years ago, and I'm not any fonder of it now. Actually, I'm surprised at how calm I am. It's funny how knowing you have no options remaining to you can have that effect. There's no guards to trick, there isn't enough Pattern to shift out of here, and I still can't access my magic. I wish I knew how Finndo did that. So I'm going to do the only thing I can do. I'm going to go to sleep. Or try to. At least if I rest, I stand a better chance of having the strength to take advantage of whatever opportunities may arise tomorrow.

Faerie, year 27, day 205 (Thursday, November 17, 4)

Early morning

I couldn't help smiling when I saw Lucien. Even though I'm still stuck here. Even though I'll probably die here. I'm more convinced than ever of that, now that I know what Finndo wants in exchange for us. He's demanded Nicholas' Faerie Ward, and he won't get it. I know better than most the long view that Nicholas takes. He may not like letting us die, but he will view the consequences to Amber if he loses the Faerie Ward, and he will not give it up. And I cannot fault him for this. Which means I means I may have to choose between death or remaining here forever. It's really not much of a choice. Being separated from my family would be worse than death to me. I only hope I can remember that when the dehydration starts getting bad. At least I won't be alone. Having Lucien here makes it easier to face, somehow. At least I can be with him, for a while. It all feels so unreal. Maybe it just hasn't quite sunk in yet. I don't feel like I'm going to die. In an odd way, I feel more alive than ever. It's hard to believe that in a day or two... But I'm trying not to think too much about that now. I guess Lucien is too. We've just been holding each other, not saying a word. Not needing to say anything. Not yet. Gods, I wish I could see the children one more time. I was going to ask Lucien to give them my love, but I can't, not yet. It feels so final, like if I say it, I'm completely giving up. I can't bring myself to do that. Not until Lucien has to leave. Or... Or until things are more dire. I should send Lucien away before things reach that point. I can't ask him to watch me die. It wouldn't be fair to him. But part of me hopes he insists on staying. I don't want to die alone.

Afternoon

I'm free. I can't believe I'm free. I keep expecting to be imprisoned again at any moment, to learn that Finndo is only toying with us. Why is he releasing us? Nicholas would never concede his Faerie Ward. But something must have happened. Why else would Finndo be letting us go? Well, it's obvious why he let Alexandra go. She was already released, long before Ishmael and I, no doubt because of her connection to Jack. I'm surprised Finndo held her at all. Or her son. I'm sure he was never in any danger. We should have just stayed in Amber.

Amber

So, that's why Finndo released us. He's taken the Orb. How was he able to survive getting blasted by it? Is he immune to it? I know I should feel unhappy about the fact that Amber has lost such a powerful artifact, but all I feel is...relief. I suppose that isn't too surprising, given what Nicholas used the Orb to do to me. Let Finndo have it. It's not like he can use it. And while he has it, neither can Nicholas. I think that is a good thing. What Nicholas did to me aside, I've never felt comfortable about the Orb. It's too powerful. I think it made it too easy for Nicholas to simply act rather than reason. What could stop him, after all? Why speak to me about the dilemma I and my children presented him with, when he could simply do as he wished? I suppose it's a testament to Nicholas that he didn't kill me, in the end. But who's to say how long that would have lasted? With a longer exposure to the Orb, and its power... I don't like to think about it.

Gods, it's so wonderful to see the children! I feared I might never lay eyes on them again. I know they probably think I'm acting strangely, running around and hugging all of them, but I just can't help it. It's all I can do not to cry for joy. Or shout, or scream, or... It's like there's all of these emotions, all of this energy, bubbling up inside of me now, and I don't know what to do with it. Maybe it's delayed shock. Whatever the cause, I need to do something with it, before the children think I've lost my mind.

Evening

There's nothing like a good workout to burn off excess energy. Well, there are one or two better things, but those will have to wait until later tonight. Pity Ishmael wasn't at the training grounds. I was expecting him to show up at some point. After all, he went through the same experience that I did, so I would assume he has his own reactions to work out. Pity, it would have been even better if I'd had someone to spar with. Although I drew rather a large crowd as it was. We spend so much time teaching the basics, that the students rarely get to see us at our best. Maybe we should do that more often.

I was wondering what excuse Lucien gave the children to explain my absence. So I was visiting Faerie, eh? How clever. He didn't even have to lie. He's been awfully sweet since we got back to Amber, in a concerned sort of way. I think he's just trying to see how I'm reacting to all of this. As soon as I'm sure of that myself, I'll let him know.

Amber, year 27, day 206 (Friday, November 18, 4)

Morning

A note from Whimsy saying that it's good to have me back. How strange. Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, far from it, but it's just so unlike her. She usually pretends that she doesn't need anyone and wouldn't notice if they were gone. I wonder if something is going on with her? Could it be related to what Ishmael was talking about before we left?

It's certainly a morning for notes. This one from Nicholas no less, and just as surprising as Whimsy's. He's offered to help me make Alastor into a Takaran weapon. I'm rather surprised, to say the least. When I spoke to him about the matter, I just wanted to make sure I had permission to make the modifications before I sought Ishmael's help. I never thought Nicholas would help me himself. It's not like he doesn't have more important things to do as Emperor, after all. Still, I can't say I'm unhappy about his offer. If getting Ishmael's help to make a Takaran weapon is even half as difficult as getting him to teach me the secret of making the metal, well... At least this way it'll get done before I have great-grandchildren.

Speaking of Ishmael, there was no sign of him at our usual morning workout. I guess I'm not too surprised. He probably decided to spend the day at home. I've decided to cancel my classes and do the same. It just feels like I can't see enough of my family, right now. Not when I came so close to never seeing them again.

Afternoon

I've finally reached the point where I can discuss Finndo rationally. I suppose that's a good thing. I hope Lucien is right in his supposition that Finndo will back off, now that he's removed the threat he perceived from Nicholas. But I have my doubts. Admittedly, Oberon is dead, so he can't wreak vengeance on the one who harmed him, but what if he decides that the perfect way to get back at his hated father is to take over his father's kingdom? It would mean another war, this one much closer to home. I had hoped that Nicholas' unification of Amber and Chaos might bring an end to that, at least for a while. I pray I wasn't wrong.

Evening

Benedict still has not returned to Amber. I hope he'll be all right. Lucien thinks that he won't do anything when he catches up with Finndo, because he may have been involved in setting Osric and Finndo up to die. I just can't believe he'd do that. Not intentionally. It seems so unlike Benedict. And yet... It might explain why he keeps himself so remote. Maybe he's been punishing himself all of these years, blaming himself for what happened. What worries me is, how much does Finndo still blame him? And what will he do when Benedict catches up to him?

Amber, year 27, day 207 (Saturday, November 19, 4)

Morning

I've been thinking about something that Nicholas said the other day. About how he left Corbin with Tamaryn because she's shown an ability to keep track of her children. Does she have a way of protecting her children from being stolen? Or is she protected simply because of who she is? She is Auberon's niece, after all. That has to count for something. Still, maybe I should talk to her, just in case there's more to it than that.

I'm growing worried about Ishmael. He hasn't been seen for days, he won't answer his Trump, and Maddy has taken to her bed and won't see anyone either. What's going on with him? This can't be a reaction to our imprisonment. While he didn't look happy about it when we were released, he didn't look upset enough to act like this. So what's happened? Nothing good, judging by what I've seen. I think I'll ask Nicholas if he can spare of few minutes to talk to Ishmael. Ishmael's always been rather close to him, after all, and he can't just refuse to see the Emperor. I just hope that Nicholas has the time.

"Outrageous Fortune"
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Last modified on April 23, 1999 by Kris Fazzari.