Amber, year 27, day 202 (Monday, November 14, 4)

Afternoon

There are times when I think a little bit of knowledge is worse than no knowledge at all. If I knew nothing of Faerie, then maybe I could believe that Maddy is safe. That maybe Caerdis will understand that she didn't mean to break her promise. But I know better. The fact that Maddy didn't intentionally break her promise is irrelevant to a faerie. All that matters is that she did. I learned that lesson the hard way - with Drumm. He didn't mean to reveal the existence of Avalon to me. I doubt it occurred to him that I would gain that knowledge when he helped me recall Loryn's memories. But I did, and he was executed for it. And he was one of their own. The fact that the breech was unintentional will not save Maddy. There will be a payment required. Ishmael thinks he can avoid it, that he can protect Maddy from it, but sooner or later they'll have to face it. Maybe not until there is something Caerdis needs from Maddy, but he won't forget. And painting the house in cold iron won't change that. In my personal opinion, it would only make things worse. It's like making a giant beacon, shining brightly for all the fey to see, announcing, "There's something here I don't want any faerie to have." He'd wind up with more than Caerdis to deal with, that much I'm certain of. I suspect the Faerie Wards will only delay the inevitable as well, but Ishmael looked so desperate, I had to offer him something. I know that feeling all too well. It's a horrible thing to know your family's at risk, and not know how to defend them.

Lucien didn't recognize Caerdis, but I really didn't think he would. I'm sure Caerdis wasn't using his true form, any more than Caerdis is his real name, or even the one he's known by at court. But asking Lucien made me feel like I was at least doing something. Maddy is my friend, after all. I don't like not being able to help her anymore than Ishmael does.

Caerdis moved even faster than I would have guessed. He must have known that Ishmael was seeking a way to stop him. So now we must go to Faerie and see what is required to obtain her freedom. Ishmael's taking this hard. I don't blame him. I'm sure that's why he's being so argumentative right now. But we have no time for this. Time can be strange in Faerie, and if Maddy eats the food there... Hopefully we can get to her before that happens. I'm rather thankful that Whimsy thought to bring Alexandra in as a means of getting us to Faerie, although I'm surprised that she did so. I can't imagine her opinion of Alexandra has improved any over the years. But at least this means I don't have to ask Lucien to act as transport. There's no point in risking both of us getting trapped in Faerie if we can help it.

Faerie

I'd forgotten how much I miss this place, sometimes. Even the Unseelie Court. There's a beauty to Faerie that I can never quite put into words. I'd forgotten how easy magic is to use here, too. I had to squelch a brief impulse to just throw my head back and glory in it. Somehow, I don't think Ishmael would appreciate that. Nor Whimsy, who now looks almost as sour as he does. It doesn't take much to guess why. No Pattern, no Trump, no conjuration here. She gave up her magic to take the Pattern. This reminder of what she lost can't be easy for her. Despite all of her arguing with Ishmael, she must care about him a lot to put herself in a situation where all of her powers are useless.

If there was any doubt that our arrival was expected, the party of nobles sent out to greet us put an end to it. They seemed rather amused by my warning to Ishmael about the food here. In all honesty, I should have thought to warn him sooner. I guess I was just too worried about Maddy to think of it. Alexandra wasn't, though. And to think I was wondering why she brought along a picnic basket. For all of her usual immaturity, occasionally she does something that reminds me that she is Fiona's daughter, after all.

I don't think I really began to relax until the Queen told Ishmael that they haven't allowed Maddy to eat. That means they intend to release her. It also means that whatever it is they want, they want it from Ishmael, not her. I wish he hadn't agreed to speak to the Queen alone. There's still much he doesn't know about Faerie, and she could use that against him. But I could hardly insist on going along when he didn't ask for our help. I just hope that whatever it is they ask of him, it's something he can give. And that he keeps his wits about him while he's talking with the Queen. The Queen...there's something familiar about her. It struck me as soon as we laid eyes on her. If only I could put my finger on who she reminds me of.

Benedict! When I started going through my Trumps, I wasn't expecting it to be Benedict. Bleys, perhaps, or Eric. One of the ones who were tricked at the Pearl. But Benedict? I just can't picture him... But then again, what do I know about where he's been in his life? Ariadne's mother was a Chaosite, after all. It's not so unlikely that he may have spent time in Faerie, as well. Or maybe the Queen is a descendant of Ariadne's? I'd have to scan the Queen to be sure, and somehow I don't think she'd allow that. Still, regardless of how far removed she is, Benedict should be told she exists. I just wish I didn't have to be the one to tell him.

Well, we're free to go, but Ishmael isn't coming with us. Not yet, at least. I don't know what they asked of him, but whatever it was, it wasn't easy. I could tell that from his face. He claimed he couldn't say exactly what he agreed to do because he'd promised not to, but he was lying. I could tell that from his face, as well. But Maddy didn't notice, and I didn't have the heart to tell her. Ishmael must have a good reason for concealing the price he's agreed to pay from her. Which just increases my own worry about what exactly that price is.

Amber

Speaking to Nicholas, after so many years of avoiding such communication, was just as difficult as I'd expected. But it's a relief to have it over. And to have things settled between us. He said starting over would make him happy, and I know he was probably just being polite, but I'd like to believe he spoke the truth. And he didn't have any objections to my desire to make Alastor Takaran, either. Of course, if Ishmael refuses to help me, it won't really matter, but I figured I should first make sure Nicholas had no objections to me possessing a Takaran weapon, the way he objected to my learning how to make them. No sense in bothering Ishmael if that was the case. It's interesting that such weapons are still illegal in Chaos, though. I wonder why that is? Maybe Nicholas doesn't want to rock the boat too much there, lest he foment unnecessary resistance.

Gods, that was awkward. To face a man you respect immensely, whom you regard as a mentor, and tell him that you think he may have an unknown child, or grandchild, in Faerie. To his credit, if he was offended, he didn't take it out on me. He simply stated that he's spent no time of that sort in Faerie. At which point I had a strong urge to simply drop down through the floor and leave. I suppose I could have pointed out that he might have slept unknowingly with a faerie who was disguised by a glamour. Eral knows enough others in our family have been caught that way. But if it occurred to me, it occurred to him, and I wasn't about to insult his intelligence by suggesting he overlooked that possibility. And he may be right. Perhaps the woman I saw is a descendant of one of his brothers. Whatever her lineage, I have fulfilled my duty to inform Benedict of her existence. I'm more than happy to now leave the matter in his hands.

Evening

Lucien didn't recognize the faerie queen we met, which didn't really surprise me. What did surprise me was his admission that he hasn't really been keeping in touch with Faerie, of late. I've always assumed that he still talks to Auberon. He's never been one to give up a useful information source, or ally, after all. And he was Auberon's advisor not so long ago. I can understand how he might not have been able to maintain his ties during their civil war, when the borders to Faerie were usually barred. But afterwards... Why this sudden change of heart? Did the five years he spent there trying to recover my body from Jack sour his attitude somehow? Am I the cause of this? Or is it because of his association with Nicholas? There must be a reason why he'd ignore a tie he's maintained for centuries. I wish I knew what that reason was.

Amber, year 27, day 203 (Tuesday, November 15, 4)

Morning

No sign of Ishmael at our usual workout. I guess he must still be in Faerie. I hope Maddy's holding up all right. I asked her yesterday if she wanted any company, but she said she'd be fine. She has her children to keep her mind occupied, I guess. Still, I hope he returns soon. I'm really going to start worrying if he's gone for much longer.

Afternoon

Ishmael appears to be back safe and sound, at least as far as I could tell from our brief conversation. He didn't want to talk. I guess that's not a surprise. I hope he didn't think I was calling to try and pry details about his stay in Faerie from him. Maybe that's why he was so short with me. I think maybe I'll wait a bit before I bother him with my Takaran request. To give him time to recover from whatever happened to him while he was gone.

"Outrageous Fortune"
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Last modified on April 23, 1999 by Kris Fazzari.