Amber, year 21, day 304 (Sunday, September 3, 2994)

Morning

Whimsy appears to have gotten over her encounter with Jack's flowers. She even sent me note saying that she's glad she didn't set me on fire, along with some flowers. *Not* the type that Jack gave her, of course. I stopped by to let her know that I'm not holding the matter against her, and was surprised to find three new portraits hanging on her wall. I recognized two of them at once: Jack and Shard. Both of them seemed somewhat idealized. Shard looked as he did before he became a vampire, and Jack... Jack looked kind. Hah. Jack is many things, but never kind. I refrained from comment, however. If what Jack did to Grayson and I has not convinced her, than I fear nothing will, save her own experience. The third portrait I did not recognize at all, although he bears the traits of a Jesby. Edwin perhaps? Given that the painting seemed the most honest of the bunch, displayed with flaws and all, I believe it may, indeed, be him. Which makes me wonder about the theme of these portraits. A gallery of the men she's been attracted to, perhaps? If so, I find her taste in men somewhat suspect. But who am I to criticize? I married an assassin, after all, and I have my own attraction to Shard to fight.

Afternoon

Felix has persuaded Caitt to teach a weekly class on the use of herbs to my hospital staff. I'm glad he recalled her skill in that area, for I had completely forgotten it. I suppose it's inevitable that with everything else that's going on, I'm bound to overlook something. Which is precisely why I sought Felix's help in this endeavor. Eral knows, I can't do it alone.

Evening

My memory lessons with Lucien are going rather slowly, but I understand why. Given what he's teaching me, and the damage I could do with the slightest mistake, I would rather he was careful about the process. At this rate, it will probably be a few months before I have the knowledge to safely try it on my own. Hopefully, I won't need the skill before then. If only I'd learned this years ago, before I learned of Avalon.

Amber, year 21, day 305 (Monday, September 4, 2994)

Morning

Eric has returned to Amber, but I have seen no sign of Ronan, so I must assume he is still missing. Gods, I wish there was something I could do to help him. He was a good man. But it's Eric's investigation, and I doubt he would welcome my help in the matter. He and Nicholas have been sequestered since his return, which doesn't seem to bode well. It's times like these that I wish I was more clever and devious than I am. I would love to know what the two of them are discussing in there.

Afternoon

Goodness, Felix seems to have put his foot in it this time. Teaching his sons to spit, indeed! How did he think Tamaryn would react to that? I suspect he'll be paying for that for some time. She must be really miffed for her to have taken such delight in my suggestion to leave Ana and Briana with him while we went dress shopping. I must admit, I hadn't intended for her to actually take me up on my offer. Given what happened the last time I left my children in Felix's care, I'm a bit leery of risking it again. But I couldn't exactly tell Tamaryn that I don't trust Felix with my children, when she's trusting him with hers. I just hope he can keep them away from the Pattern, this time.

Evening

Much to Jalana's delight, Nicholas has decided to permit children at the coronation and the ball that will follow. Naturally, all of the children want to go, even Ana and Briana. Why do I foresee a busy evening? At least their eagerness to go should ensure they'll at least try to be on their best behavior, for I will have no compunctions about sending them home if they misbehave.

I ran into Shard on the battlements this evening. I was beginning to think he was avoiding me. Maybe he was. Perhaps he's decided to focus his attentions on Whimsy, now. At least she might return his affections more than I can allow myself to. But he said nothing to make me think that he has, and I'm not sure if that makes me happy or sad. I know it would be best if he got over me, but I must admit there is a selfish part of me that doesn't want him to.

Amber, year 21, day 306 (Tuesday, September 5, 2994)

Morning

I find myself thinking a lot lately about having another child. Maybe it's knowing that I won't be going to Chaos now. I had told myself that I'd have to wait until after the Chaos invasion, since I couldn't risk endangering an unborn child in such a war. Not to mention the fact that it would render me incapable of fighting for several months, and we could be in Chaos for years. But now, if I'm staying in Amber, the reasons for delaying are gone. Except...who can say what will happen when Nicholas leaves? Should I wait a few months longer, just in case things go badly when the Chasm mends? That would probably be safest. But I long to hold a baby in my arms again. It has been too long since I last did so. Ten years... Now that I've started thinking about it, even a few months more seems an interminable time to wait.

Afternoon

The hospital threatens to occupy more and more of my time with each day that passes. Were it not for the children, and the time I spend with them, I suspect I could easily devote most of my waking hours to this project. There is so much to do, and at this stage there is little I can delegate... Sometimes it all seems rather overwhelming.

Evening

I've managed to draw a Trump sketch of my father, as Mother remembers him. At least I think I have. It is warm, not cold, but I don't know if that is due to the fact that Trump does not work across the Chasm, or if it's because he no longer uses the form Mother knew him in, or if I just didn't manage to create a Trump after all. I suppose I'll find out after the Chasm mends. It's not as thought I plan to actually Trump him with it, even if it does work. Not alone, anyway. I'm just curious to see if he's enough like what Mother remembers of him that I could manage to draw a Trump of him at all.

Amber, year 21, day 307 (Wednesday, September 6, 2994)

Evening

The coronation ceremony wasn't quite what I expected. Oh, there was the long, boring ceremony, and Nimue even made an appearance as the Unicorn, to back Nicholas as King, but there was no swearing of allegiance from anyone, not even the family. I guess Nicholas doesn't believe all of the family will swear allegiance, so he's simply avoiding the issue, for now. I'm not sure how much he's avoiding it, though. By not requiring any oaths of allegiance, he's made it pretty obvious that his reign is starting on an uncertain note. That's something I doubt people are going to overlook.

If the ceremony itself was dull, the time before the ceremony nearly proved rather explosive. Lavender arrived with Ishmael is her escort, instead of either of her two husbands. Driscoll, of course, didn't exactly take this well, and for a moment I feared he and Ishmael would come to blows, but then Shard intervened and drew Driscoll away. Is there anyone that Ishmael hasn't managed to piss off, lately? You'd think he would realize that escorting Lavender to the ceremony wasn't the brightest of ideas. Then again, he can be rather thick about some things. Like proper dinner behavior. He thought it would be amusing to throw peas at Whimsy and I during the banquet. A formal state dinner. Naturally, the boys thought this was terribly amusing. And he wonders why I don't want him teaching my children? He acts more childish than they do.

Grayson appears to be enjoying himself immensely, which is a relief. I was a bit surprised to see him arrive with Roxanne. Not that I have any objections to him availing himself of the Pearl's services, but I wonder if he's aware of just how many members of the nobility have been inside its doors, and therefore know Roxanne's profession?

Something is going on between Ishmael and Shard, but I'm not altogether certain what it is. Could Ishmael have figured out what Shard did to him? I don't think that's it. I'd expect Ishmael to be angry about that, and he seems more uncomfortable than anything else. But if that's not it, then what is?

Thank the gods that the children have finally gone to bed. Now I can finally relax and enjoy the ball, without worrying that Briana is going to claw someone, or Ishmael will start a food fight with the boys. And, if Jack does make his move tonight, at least they'll be safely away from it. Assuming Jack does anything at all tonight. I was sure he'd do something to disrupt the coronation, but there's been no sign of him so far. It's making me nervous. What is he up to?

Grayson has his voice back. He's had it all along, in fact. Ever since the evening that he revealed Nicholas' ultimatum to me. The night Whimsy walked the Pattern. Apparently, he walked it too. And they've been hiding it from me all of this time! Well, to be fair, they've been hiding it from everyone, hoping they could take Jack by surprise. Obviously, that won't be happening now. Whimsy is rather annoyed at Grayson, and I can't say that I blame her. Next time they try something like this, she'd do well to steer Grayson away from the alcohol.

Dancing with Shard is simply incredible. Not that Lucien isn't an excellent dancer in his own right, but with Shard it's almost an otherworldly experience. We've danced as much as we can without risking a scandal - not that Lucien's probably even noticed. He has a tendency to spend most of his time circulating during events like this, which pretty much leaves me to my own devices. For once, I don't really mind.

Amber, year 21, day 308 (Thursday, September 7, 2994)

Morning

Ishmael knows that Shard bit him, and he thinks I was behind it, that I asked Shard to do that to him. How can he think I would ever do something like that? Is that how little he thinks of me? Eral, I'm not sure what to do now. I must speak with Ishmael, obviously. I don't particularly want to, but I have no other choice. I can't have him thinking that I sicced a vampire on him, even for what he did. And I must find out who else he's told. Maybe he hasn't told Nicholas yet. Maybe it's not too late.

Gods, I think I aged ten years when I heard Grayson scream. All sorts of horrible images ran through my mind as I ran to his quarters, through the broken door, and found him confronting...Whimsy, armed with a pair of cymbals and yelling, "Rise and shine!" I was too relieved to do much other than stand there while Whimsy informed Grayson that his punishment for ruining their plan last night was the cessation of his conjuration lessons, until he manages to uninvite Jack on his own. Grayson looked rather miserable after Whimsy left, although it's hard to say whether that was due to guilt, or his rather obvious hangover. I conjured him something for the latter and left him to try and sleep the rest of it off. The former, I know from hard experience, is not so easily dispensed with.

Afternoon

I should have known Grayson would try something foolish, once he got over his hangover. Thank the gods Lucien was able to find him. I shudder to think of what Jack would have done to him had I not Trumped him at that moment. Not that he seems overly concerned by that. All he cares is that it worked, in the end. Gods, was I ever so careless with my own life? Perhaps, a long time ago, when I had only myself to worry about.

The funny thing is that despite the risk he took, and the danger he put himself in, the part of our conversation that I remember most clearly is when he referred to me as "Mom." I know it isn't much, and I'm probably making too big a deal about it, but... Mom. It has such a nice ring to it.

The person I really want to throttle in all of this is Alexandra. What could she have been thinking, to reinvite Jack into Amber mere moments after Grayson rescinded his own invitation? What is it with Fiona's children, that they keep extending power to this creature? Whimsy looked like she wanted to throttle Alexandra herself, when she heard the news. I can't say that I blame her. She went through a lot of effort twice to get Jack uninvited, and to learn that it was all for nothing, and her sister was to blame... Just what was it that Alexandra sought from Lucien earlier today? Did she get it from Jack, instead? Is that why she reinvited him? I can only imagine how Fiona's going to act when she finds her wayward daughter. Whatever she does to Alexandra, though, it will be well-deserved.

Lucien is gone, and even my ring cannot locate him. Which means he's either in Chaos or in the 'Tween somewhere. Given recent events, and his ties to Faerie, I'm guessing the latter. The question is, who involved him? I doubt it was Fiona. Somehow, I just can't picture her asking him for help.

Foil

Ishmael never really thought that I sent Shard after him. I find some comfort in that. But he's already informed Nicholas of the matter, and that makes me very nervous indeed. What will Nicholas do? I wish there was some way that I could warn Shard, but if Ishmael talked to Nicholas this morning, then it's already too late. I want to be angry at Ishmael for setting this off, but I can't blame him for reacting the way he did. If Shard wasn't my friend, would I have reacted any differently? Gods, I wish I'd never talked to Shard that night. Then none of this would be happening.

At least this got Ishmael and I to talk to each other. I doubt I would have so soon, otherwise. I'm still not happy about what he did, but I know his heart was in the right place. That doesn't make it right, but it does make a difference. And I don't think he'll take that tact again. Well, I hope he won't. I wouldn't exactly call him repentant. More like he knew his actions would have consequences, but he thought they were worth it. I just hope I've convinced him to demonstrate a little patience in the future. We'll see. I've agreed to let him teach the boys again, which ought to make them very happy. Eral, I hope I'm not making a mistake.

We spoke a bit about the situation with Eric, and what disturbed me most was Ishmael's belief that Eric might actually kill Gérard, if Nicholas left him as Regent instead of Eric. Gods, could he really go so far? To kill his own brother, and not just any brother, but the kindest one of all them, for nothing more than power? Only Brand has tried to go so far. If Eric would do such a thing, then I believe he has gone completely mad. And I shudder to think of what will happen once Nicholas leaves.

Amber

Lucien has returned unharmed, but I know little more about where he was than I did before. He would only say that he was helping a friend, but he could not say who. That definitely lets out Fiona, or Nicholas, for that matter. Neither of them are exactly friends of his. It could have been Suhuy, I suppose. Alexandra is his daughter, after all. I wish I understood why Alexandra did what she did. Jack isn't a childhood friend of hers, as he was with Whimsy and Grayson. So why? Lucien would only say that she is rather young and spoiled. I guess she is, at that, although I can only personally attest to the first one. She's still a teenager, after all, only four years older than my children, and apparently just as impulsive. I do wish I knew what she asked of Lucien. All I could get out of him was that it involved Jack in a roundabout way. Whatever it was, it must have been interesting for him to conclude from it that she is spoiled. Maybe she reminds him too much of Fiona.

Evening

Nicholas didn't waste any time in dealing with Shard. He's gone, relieved of duty, and he won't even answer my Trump. Nicholas must have exiled him until he can be sure he can better control himself. It took me a while to determine even that much, since the junior officer who replaced him wasn't much help at all. The Colonel couldn't tell me much either, but at least he explained why, and told me that Shard is in no danger. That's what I really needed to know. I was beginning to fear that Nicholas had done something drastic to Shard. It's quite a relief to know that was not the case.

Amber, year 21, day 309 (Friday, September 8, 2994)

Morning

It feels like I am forever moving from one house to another. I had considered remaining in the castle until after the Chasm mends, but after talking to Ishmael I think we'll be safer in town. At least it will be harder for Eric to watch my family here. And the townhouse has so much more room. The castle works for short periods of time, but two bedrooms for six children gets a little cramped after a while.

Afternoon

It's worse than I suspected. Alexandra didn't just invite Jack back into Amber, she married him and now carries his child. The good news is that she's no longer with Jack, although I'll bet she wishes she were. Whimsy says that Fiona left to deprogram her, and I doubt Fiona's in the best of moods, right now. Whimsy certainly isn't. I suppose it's no surprise that Jack let Alexandra go. He has access to Amber and she's carrying his child, what more use does he have for her until she finally gives birth?

Evening

Flora has given birth to a baby girl named Lillian. I'm happy for her. I hope Lillian helps her get over the loss of the child Zane killed. I hope I can say the same, someday soon. All this talk of babies today is making it even harder for me to wait to have mine. I wish the war was over already.

"Outrageous Fortune"
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Last modified on July 1, 1998 by Kris Fazzari.