Amber, year one, day 131 (Sunday, November 7, 2987)

Oberon is my pater. I cannot believe this is happening to me! I could have accepted almost anyone else, even Brand (well, almost anyone, I would hate to have Deirdre for a mater). But Oberon? I guess I should not be so surprised. It is obvious that he fathered plenty of children in Amber, it would be foolish to think there were none outside of Amber. I wonder if he even knew of my existence? I can easily see him having a one night stand and then leaving my mater alone. Dworkin says her name was Helen. I wish I knew what happened to her, and how I came to be abandoned. Maybe she was from the Shadow I was raised in? There are still too many questions and not enough answers. If Oberon was my pater, why was Bleys paying so much attention to me, and asking those questions about my background? Maybe he was trying to determine if I might be a child of his that he had no knowledge of? I am sure Oberon was not the only Amber male to leave children scattered in Shadow. Look at Random. I should be grateful that I did not grow up in Amber. From all accounts, Oberon was a terrible pater, and none of my siblings seem any too well adjusted. Siblings... Gods, it is hard to even say that when referring to Benedict, Julian and the others. They still feel more like aunts and uncles than cousins. And I just cannot think of Felix, Ahab, Driscoll or Martin as my nephews.

I suppose Dworkin could be lying, but I doubt it. And I thought he was just being foolish when he called me granddaughter. At least I have convinced him to stay out of my affairs. When he learned that I was sleeping with Ahab and Martin, he ordered me not to do so. At least not with Ahab. He said Martin was acceptable. I refused to obey unless he gave me his reasons. Which is how I learned my parentage. Why could we not have been cousins? I know it is considered in poor taste to sleep with one's nephews, even at home, but most of the time I have trouble remembering that we are even related. Well, as long as I take the appropriate medicines, there should not be a problem. In all my years, I have never conceived a child, and I am convinced I am sterile. But if Oberon and Random are any example, I had best take precautions, just in case.

In other news, Dormel is dead. He was found murdered in his room early this morning, his throat slit by one of Caine's daggers. The fact that Julian and Caine were found in the room with the body does not help matters any. They both gave Random notes they received from Dormel, requesting their presence. Dormel's widow was no use at all. All she would say was that a Prince of Amber killed him. Well, that certainly narrows down the possible suspects. So far, there has been no response to the murder from Random. Caine was allowed to retrieve his weapon and leave. The entire Eregnan delegation also left, taking with them Dormel's widow. She never said anything more coherent before they took her away, and anything she says now must be suspect. Obviously Random has no intention of having any sort of investigation, or he would not have allowed the sole witness to leave before we could learn more details about what she saw.

I had a disturbing talk with Ahab after the body was found. It seems that there is no trial system for crimes committed by the royal family. Cases are heard by the King (if he bothers to allow it to go that far), and he alone decides the punishment, if there is one. And to hear Ahab tell of it, there often is not. It seems that Amberites can kill almost with impunity, as long as they do not kill another family member. Ahab could not understand why this upset me so, saying that they were only Shadow dwellers. There is no justice in this system, and no good can come of it.

Ahab and I both managed to anger Julian. All I did was tell Ahab that Caine was too devious and clever to be found present in the room with a man he murdered. It could hardly be considered insulting. Yet another Amberite I cannot understand.

I asked Dworkin to instruct me in the art of Trumps, but he kept insisting it would take too long. He seemed much more willing to instruct me in something he called Power Words. They seem to be a method of channeling destructive or disruptive forces. He used one to destroy an object in his lab. Unfortunately, his attention span is somewhat sporadic, and I suspect it may take me a while to learn how to use these Power Words. Still, talking with Dworkin is never dull, and I have plenty of time.

Ahab asked Driscoll to do some conjuration for him, and I asked to watch. Conjuration was mentioned by Dworkin as something I might learn after I had mastered Power Words, so I was curious to see what sorts of things you could do with it. All I have seen Dworkin use it for is producing food. Which is a pretty useful thing itself. Ahab wanted Driscoll to make his sword sharper and his horse tougher. I do not know how well the second request turned out, but the first request was more than adequately fulfilled. Ahab's sword can now slice through rock as though it were paper. This conjuration seems a marvelous skill indeed. Perhaps Driscoll might be inclined to modify my sword in such a way as well. We shall have to see.

The conjuration process itself was rather boring to watch. Ahab held out his sword, and Driscoll sat there and concentrated for five hours. It looked quite strenuous for him, but it was all done silently. I passed the time by playing with Eris. I am still getting used to how much she has grown. She can be unusually serious for such a small child. I wonder if it is due to her brief time in captivity, or her being raised in Amber? She does seem happy, though, so I suppose I should not worry. She is certainly the mischievous child. If Ahab had not been present, I suspect Driscoll would have returned to Amber with his hair still full of flowers. Ahab can be a bit of a spoilsport. I have also discovered that he is ticklish...

Ahab needs to watch the smart remarks about my pater. Given how touchy he is about his own, I expected better from him.

Ariadne came to dinner this evening, and Ahab says that she is Benedict's daughter. Lost Amberite children do seem to keeping turning up like clockwork. I wonder how many others are still out there? If I am any example, I suspect that there must be several others from Oberon alone. It was good to see her well, though. I only met her briefly before, but she seemed nice enough. She is certainly more pleasant than Heather. But then again, who is not?

Heather is trying to get into the good graces of practically everyone she meets. She took Mebd and Coral on a shopping trip today. With anyone else I might think that she was lonely and simply trying to make friends. Since it is Heather, I suspect she may have an ulterior motive. The shopping trip sounded like fun, though. It has been far too long since I have been to market, and I will need warmer clothes for the colder weather to come. Ariadne seemed interested in shopping as well, so perhaps she and I will venture into the city soon. Or the others may go again.

Heather bought Ahab a gift, which turned out to some sort of device designed to be worn over his genitals. I think its purpose is to make them appear larger under clothing. It seems a rather odd gift for her to be giving. And for someone who seems so intent on manners, it was hardly the sort of gift that should be given at a meal. What is she up to?

Brand also showed up at dinner tonight, along with a pregnant woman named Jasra that he introduced as his betrothed. Heather obviously was not happy about this, and she quickly left with Mebd. I felt a little sorry for her, since I think she learned of Jasra at the same time the rest of us did. Obviously Brand does not trust her with much. How can a man be so perfectly charming at one moment, and then be such a complete bastard the next? Perhaps I should be more grateful that he did not turn out to be my pater.

We have decided to take Ariadne to Bloody Jake's tonight. I am really looking forward to the opportunity to get drunk and forget all about Dworkin, Oberon and Amber in general. It should be the perfect way end to this day.

"Outrageous Fortune"
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Last modified on August 5, 1994 by Kris Fazzari.