Bedlam, year ten, day 160 continued (Friday, May 7, 2317)

Uncle Random came along with us to Bedlam. The more the merrier, I guess. I suppose he didn't want his grandchildren growing up without knowing him. Or maybe Vialle's pregnancy had something to do with it. I wonder if they're going to stay for the whole 12 years, or just the first six? I'm glad he came along. I find a like him a lot more now that he isn't King. He's much more relaxed now. It's hard to believe that he and Mother are twins. They don't seem very much alike.

Bedlam, year ten, day 162 (Sunday, May 9, 2317)

Bedlam is an interesting place. It reminds me of Kalevala in many ways. Which is not necessarily a good thing, I'll admit. But it's probably for the best. Kalevala was my first exposure to high-tech, and it went rather poorly. Until I spend some more pleasant time in such an environment, I'll probably always be leery of it. And that's a weakness I don't want to have.

The children are fascinated by all the technology, of course. All except Ana, who's far too young to understand any of it. Foster managed to introduce them to video games almost as soon as we arrived, and I didn't see them for hours after that. Everything is so new and interesting for them in Bedlam. For me, too. It's all so very convenient, here. I could get used to this place, if it wasn't for the lack of...nature, for lack of a better word. There's a forest on top of the building where we're living, and I've been spending a lot of time there since we arrived. Usually every time I need a break from the strangeness. It works all right as a substitute, but...it doesn't feel quite real. Forests don't grow so high in the air, and even though I can't see the city once I'm surrounded by the trees, I know. Just as I know the stream isn't a real stream. It's a fine imitation, better than I would have thought possible, and I'm glad it's here, but I miss the real thing. And I miss being near the ocean. Well, that can be rectified, at least. There's no reason I can't get a house on the shore here, like I did in Amber. At least for the summers.

Driscoll appears to be quite popular as a singer in this Shadow. The press follows him everywhere. And his relatives, as well. Lavender doesn't quite know what to make of it. I think all of the attention makes her uncomfortable. Which is a bit odd, seeing as how she used to rule Foil. I guess she was more a general than a queen. I find I'm enjoying it quite a bit, though. It's been years since I've gotten this much attention. Not since I left my homeland, in fact. They didn't have cameras there, of course, but otherwise it's very similar. Lavender can't understand why I let them photograph me. I don't see the harm. I'm happy to finally be thin again, so why not show it off? Besides, if you don't let them take your picture, they just get more determined to get a shot, and you've suddenly got people springing out of bushes at you. Which I'd rather avoid. Constantly explaining why you almost killed them could get tiring after a while.

Bedlam, year ten, day 165 (Wednesday, May 12, 2317)

Lavender is going to medical school. She wants to specialize in OB/GYN. Due to what happened with Beauty, no doubt. I'm not sure I'd want to go through that rotation while I was pregnant, though. Too much of a reminder of all of the things that can go wrong. I plan to study the medical knowledge here as well, but I'm postponing doing any actual field work until Ana is a little older. I don't want to leave her while she's still so young, and I have six years to study here, after all. Studying will require getting a data jack, of course. It worries me a bit, given what I did the last time I had one. But it's the most efficient way to learn things here, and I have not intention of using it for anything other than that, this time. Lavender and Felix will probably think I'm nuts. Neither of them seem inclined to get one, probably due to their experience in Kalevala, as well. I guess the difference is that I was able to use my jack then. Almost too well, as it turns out. The power rush is what makes me most nervous about them. In a society where computers control so much, having an interface between your mind and those computers can make you almost a god, if your mind is strong enough. But if it's not...the jack simply represents a way you can be controlled. So I understand their reluctance to get one. Eral knows, I have no intention of keeping mine once we leave Bedlam. I don't want to risk having my body snatched, the way Martin did.

Bedlam, year ten, day 167 (Friday, May 14, 2317)

The children are six today, more or less. Eral only knows when their real birthdays would be. Morgan spent that time in Faerie shortly after he was born, which was obviously more than the few days he was missing from my point of view, making him technically older than Jalana, even if she was born first. And they passed a week less than I when I was in Kalevala, but two weeks to my two days when I was on the Disc. And then there was the two months I spent on the Disc without them. Gods, it makes my head hurt to think about it. Well, I think I've calculated the date right, and if I'm off by a day or two, it doesn't matter. Their joint birthdays have never been on their actual date of birth, anyway. At least the party went off without a hitch. Vivienne, Hary, Iseult and Pax were all there. And Ana, even if she had no idea what was going on. I can't believe they're six years old already. Sometimes it seems like only yesterday that they were born. We got them a video game system. I figure if they're going to be playing it anyway, I'd rather they were spending some of that time here, instead of bothering Lavender's family.

Bedlam, year ten, day 169 (Sunday, May 16, 2317)

Well, now I know why Lavender has seemed so jumpy at times since we got here. Apparently, one of the rooms here used to be the study of Driscoll's late wife, and it hadn't been touched since she died. Lavender found this rather disturbing, but was afraid to mention it to Driscoll. He and Foster figured it out, though, and he's having the room packed up. Lavender is rather relieved. She says it was like she was being haunted by the ghost of Driscoll's first wife. I had to smile a bit at that. If she thinks that's bad, try having the soul of your husband's first wife. I've felt haunted by Loryn, to some degree, ever since I found out I have her soul. I think that's why I want to retrieve her memories so badly. Once I remember her life, she can't haunt me anymore, because she'll finally be a part of me. I said something to Lavender along those lines, about being haunted by the soul of Lucien's first wife, and then suddenly I was spilling the story about Loryn's soul to her. I told myself that I was just trying to make her feel better, but in truth I'd been wanting to tell her for a long time, and what she'd said about Elen was the best opening I was likely to get. It's not exactly something you can bring up out of the blue - "Oh, by the way, I have a faerie soul, that doesn't bother you, does it? I know you used to despise faeries." That's partly why I kept it from her for so long. I wasn't sure how she'd react. I was afraid she wouldn't feel comfortable around me, or maybe even hate me. She did give me a rather odd look when I was done, like she was trying to figure out if this was some sort of strange joke. But I wasn't laughing. She seemed to appreciate what a mess it makes of faerie theology, though. Despite the fact that she's come to terms with what they did to her family, I still think she likes to see them squirm, on occasion. And I imagine this will make them do just that, if it ever comes out. I suppose it must, someday.

Of course, since I was talking about souls anyway, I also told Lavender that Shard was once in possession of a piece of my soul. I couldn't bring myself to tell her what that possession had led to, though. I'm not sure I'll ever speak of that to anyone, again. I was able to tell her about Lasker, though. I guess I was in a confessing sort of mood. Or maybe I just felt guilty that I couldn't bring myself to tell her about my first vampire bite, so I compensated by telling her of the second. I'm sure a psychologist would have a field day with all of this, if he didn't lock me up as completely insane. Lavender took it all pretty much in stride. I suspect the fact that Brand was behind what Lasker did to me made it easier. You expect that kind of sick, twisted thing from Brand. As for what she thought about my having a faerie soul, part of which was in the possession of a vampire for 400 years, well...I think she decided not to think too hard about it. It's the Lavender way of dealing with things, and it seems to work pretty well for her. I wish I could do that.

Bedlam, year ten, day 171 (Tuesday, May 18, 2317)

There is a price that must be paid for everything. I have always known this. The price for knowing how Loryn lived, was knowing how she died. Perhaps, someday, I will find it an even exchange. When the memory has faded more. When I can forget... Somehow, when I was thinking of how it would be, I only pictured remembering growing up in Faerie, and meeting Oishin, and all of the happy times we spent together. I should have known it would have included her death, as well. And, given what had been hinted about her meeting a violent end, I should have known it would be a clear memory. Death did not come suddenly or painlessly, for her. But I thought she had been killed by sorcery. I never imagined... I should have known. The bastard wouldn't have used magic. Where's the fun in that? Magic is too distant. It's so much more satisfying when you're inflicting the pain, yourself. I can still feel his hands touching me. Hurting me. Covering my mouth. The knife that sliced through my clothes and my skin, the burning fire that followed it. The splitting, searing pain when he entered me. The sound of my nose breaking under his fist. The coldness as the knife moved across my throat. The horror. The panic. And the sorrow. The knowledge that I was leaving Oishin alone to a fate far worse than mine. And that somehow, I had to return to him. That's the last thing I remember, before everything faded away.

I guess I did return to him, in a sense.

If I had known how badly this was going to hurt him, I never would have done it. Which is why he didn't tell me that it would, of course. I certainly wouldn't have let him be in the room, if I'd known how much of it would show on my face. The last thing I wanted to do is make him relive it, too. Gods, I'm such an idiot, sometimes. I haven't seen him like this since he finally mourned her death. I think maybe this was the second part of that. He mourned the fact that she had died, then, but he still couldn't face how she had died. He had blocked it from his mind. It's probably the only way he could go on. I know too well what was done to her. Finding her body must have been terrible beyond words. And he was the one who found her body. His father made sure of that. Bastard. How can I feel such hatred for someone who's been dead for more than 2,000 years?

It has often been a source of comfort to me that I keep no secrets from my husband. Even what happened between Shard and I. I'm proud of that. It is a sign of how much I trust him. There was only one exception, that of Ahab's parentage, and that proved unnecessary, for Lucien had determined it on his own. Since then, there has been nothing I have held back from him. Until now. Now I know the secret that Faerie has kept for so long. The secret Loryn never told Lucien in all of their years of marriage. No wonder the idea of a human possessing a faerie soul is so controversial. I'm certain that the idea of a human learning the things they keep to themselves is not a pleasant one. I'm surprised Drumm was willing to do the spell. He must have known what it would reveal to me. Will he be punished for doing so? Or only if I do not keep their silence? In theory, I know I am not faerie, and do not have to respect their wishes. But I cannot find it within me to do otherwise. I feel like I would be dishonoring Loryn's memory if I reveal what I have learned. And if I do that, I am dishonoring myself, as well, for are we not the same?

Bedlam, year ten, day 173 (Thursday, May 20, 2317)

The memories are fading now. Fitting into their proper place. It's hard to describe. They took place before I was born, after all. I feel somehow older now than I did. I really wish I could speak to Auberon, but that will have to wait until we return from Bedlam. It is unthinkable to ask him to come here. It's kind of nice to remember growing up with a sibling. I always wanted one when I was younger. There are some similarities between my past and Loryn's, though. Both of us had fathers who died before we were born. I wonder what about her father's death was so terrible that no one would tell me...her of it? I'll probably never know. But at least I don't feel quite as strange anymore. Lucien seems to be back to normal, too. Except when the nightmares come to me. I suppose it's to be expected, but that doesn't make them any easier to bear, for either of us. I wonder if they'll ever stop completely?

Bedlam, year ten, day 178 (Tuesday, May 25, 2317)

Random finally noticed that Mother's sanity has greatly improved. I was wondering how long it would take him. He wanted to know what had happened, of course, and I explained as best I could. He seemed rather surprised. Why is it that no one ever tried anything like this before? Maybe no one cared who had a strong enough mind to have any effect. He seemed quite happy about it. It must be strange for him to see her like this. It's been several months, and it's still strange for me. She's still nervous about the baby, but at least she's no longer denying that she's pregnant. That would be rather hard to do at this stage, anyway.

Bedlam, year ten, day 186 (Wednesday, June 2, 2317)

Lavender is pregnant again. Apparently, she decided to give her men one more child apiece while we are here, and since the Pattern left her conveniently fertile...well, no time like the present. The child is Driscoll's, and luckily for Lavender, it is a boy. She says she wants to have one of each, so this will leave Foster to provide the girl. Given the size of Hary when he was born, I think we can all agree that this is a good thing. Unlike Pax, the odds have favored this child, for he will not be an albino. Lavender already knows his name. It is Isaac, which apparently means "God's laughter." I must admit, it's a beautiful way to name the child after her.

Bedlam, year ten, day 190 (Sunday, June 6, 2317)

Apparently Lavender isn't the only one who's going to be having a child. I'm pregnant again. I can't believe this. Gods, how did this happen? Ana's only nine weeks old, and I'm still nursing her. I shouldn't have been able to conceive so soon. Of course, I'm not the first woman to have thought that. Still, given my track record, I think I must have had a little help from the Pattern. Even though I waited a week after I walked it before I had sex with Lucien. I was sure that was long enough. I guess I was wrong. Another baby... I planned to have another one while we were in Shadow, but not this soon. I just got done having a baby. I don't want to go through this again, not yet. But, I don't really have a choice, do I? Inconvenient or not, I'm pregnant. I wonder how Lucien will take the news? At least it's another girl. She'll be a good playmate for Ana. And Jalana will be ecstatic.

Lucien was a bit surprised by the news, but delighted. Maybe a little too delighted. His little baby factory, indeed! He did make up for that remark, though. I may as well enjoy it while I can. It won't be long before sex becomes difficult, again. Among other things. This is going to delay my plans to get more advanced medical training, too. I'll learn as much as I can from home, of course, but it's no substitute for the real thing. Still, we are going to be here for six years, so it's not like I can't afford to lose an extra year.

Bedlam, year ten, day 197 (Sunday, June 13, 2317)

Well, that worked out much better than I had expected. I've been putting off telling Tamaryn about my pregnancy, for fear of how she would react to it. I know how hard it's been for her to be around so many children, when she wants one of her own so badly. I was afraid she would take the news that I'm expecting another one, so soon after Ana's birth, rather badly. But she simply smiled and told me that she's pregnant as well. I'm so happy for her. After all that she's been through, she deserves this more than anyone. It's going to be a boy, apparently. Ouch, that's going to hurt. Especially since she thinks he's going to be bigger than Foster. She's leaving the name up to Felix. She's a braver woman than I. Gods, among Mother, Tamaryn, Lavender, Isabeux, Vialle and myself, I seem to be the only one having a girl. Well, she won't be completely outnumbered. She'll have Ana, after all. I wonder what everyone in Amber will think when we return with all of these children? Six from this batch, plus the second one Lavender intends to have. And Tamaryn hinted she may have a second one as well, a few years down the road. I wonder what made Felix see the light? Tamaryn said there was some faerie lord that put the fear of something into him. And that Lucien had a talk with him. This is the first I'd heard of it. Why didn't Lucien mention this to me?

It turns out that Lucien talked to Felix the day before we left for Bedlam. Some faerie lord had met Tamaryn while she was in Faerie and asked for Lucien's permission to court her. Lucien stalled and talked to Felix. I guess the knowledge that he had competition finally made Felix aware that he couldn't keep stringing Tamaryn along. No matter how much she was attracted to Felix, if he wasn't willing to give her the family she wanted so badly, she would have gone somewhere else. It happens all the time. For both of their sakes, though, I'm glad it worked out all right. I'm surprised Felix was willing to listen to Lucien, though. He's usually so skittish around Lucien, especially recently. I wonder what changed his mind?

Bedlam, year ten, day 221 (Wednesday, July 7, 2317)

I never realized that Lucien enjoys tinkering with things so much. He spends so much time at it, in fact, that we've set up a special room just for this purpose. That way, there's no chance of the children getting into it. And it contains the results of whatever it is that he happens to be working on. Not that he's blown anything up yet, but... I guess when you're an excellent shapeshifter, the occasional explosion is no big deal. I wonder why I never noticed this hobby of his before? I guess heading a house of assassins probably didn't leave him with much time to indulge it.

Bedlam, year ten, day 233 (Monday, July 19, 2317)

I have a brother, at last. He's adorable, despite the fact that he seems to have inherited his father's hair color. Unlike Fenar, though, I think he's going to be on the short side, like Mother and I are. Of all the things to get from Mother, it would have to be that. I wish he looked more like her. Maybe then Mother wouldn't be so adamant on calling him that ridiculous name. Misery, indeed. What kind of name is that for a child? How could she even think of doing that to him? I don't care if she feels her children's names should say something about the circumstances surrounding their conception, that's an awful name to give a child. How is he supposed to feel, growing up with a name like that? Knowing that he was unwanted? I can't let that happen. Maybe if I can come up with a name that means something close to Misery, but by itself sounds relatively normal, that will satisfy her.

Bedlam, year ten, day 235 (Wednesday, July 21, 2317)

I think I have it. Devlin. It's an Irish name that means "misfortune." I've been pouring over my book of names, and it's by far the best one that I've found. Much better than Arvel, which means "wept over." Or Tristan, meaning "sad." Or Zigor, meaning "punishment." I'm sure Mother would have loved the meaning in that one, but I will not name my brother Zigor. My only other option is to suggest a name that describes his appearance, like Daegan, meaning "black-haired," or Crispin, meaning "curly haired," both of which apply. I like both names, but I don't think Mother will go for a mere description. Still, I'll keep them in reserve, in case she doesn't like Devlin.

Bedlam, year ten, day 236 (Thursday, July 22, 2317)

Mother loves the name, and seems to have completely forgotten about calling him Misery. I'm glad. I know she would have come to regret it, even if she can't see that now. She obviously adores him. She gets very uneasy when he's out of her sight, even for an instant. I understand this. She lost me, after all, even if that was her own doing. She's bound to be afraid of losing this child, as well. I went through something similar, after I got Morgan back. It was months before I could let him out of my sight without feeling a small bit of panic rise in me. She'll get over it eventually, as I did. I think things will be much better once Devlin gets safely past the age that she abandoned me at.

Bedlam, year ten, day 264 (Thursday, August 19, 2317)

I've noticed that pregnancy brings on odd dreams sometimes, although thankfully, nothing like the ones I was having in Amber. Lavender and I were discussing this tendency the other day, and I asked if she'd had any more dreams about Sequence, completely in jest. I was rather surprised to find out that she had. Not recently, but just before we came to Bedlam. I have to wonder if there might be a connection between those dreams and the ones I've been having. They both seem to follow a set pattern, although I vastly prefer my pattern to hers. They also only seem to happen in Amber, and, if we're both remembering correctly, we even had them on the same nights. It's hard to believe that this is just a coincidence. And if it's not, then it means that my dreams weren't the result of stress or a guilty conscience, but purposely sent, somehow. Lavender thinks hers were sent by faeries, in response to her being named Amber's ambassador. But that doesn't explain my dreams. Personally, I think Brand was sending them. If he could lift our attack plans from my mind, I'm sure he could send a bad dream or two. After all, we know it can be done. Sand proved that. If he is behind it, he must be using either sorcery or Trump. I hope it's the former. Sorcery, at least, I might be able to detect. Trump, I have no chance with. Damn. Well, if it is Brand, or the faeries, at least we should have peace until we return to Amber, going as fast as we are here.

Bedlam, year ten, day 282 (Monday, September 6, 2317)

The children started school today, without too much difficulty. Jalana didn't want to be apart from Ana, of course, but I managed to convince her that we'd manage while she was gone. The place seemed rather empty while they were gone. Not that Ana doesn't provide plenty of distraction, but it was just so...quiet. Especially when I put Ana down for her nap. Lucien looked terribly amused when I mentioned this to him. He had his own ideas about how to make use of the quiet time, of course. I must admit, there are some advantages to this.

Bedlam, year ten, day 284 (Wednesday, September 8, 2317)

Lucien and I have been married for three years, now. At least from my point of view. Maybe some day I'll ask him how long it's been for him. Not today, though. I don't think I really want to know how many years he's spent away from me. Like those years in Chaos under Zane's rule. No, I will not spoil this day by thinking about that. I've arranged for Tamaryn to watch the children. With her shapeshifting abilities, she can handle feeding Ana. And, if everything goes well tonight, I don't think I'll be suffering any discomfort from her absence.

Bedlam, year ten, day 296 (Monday, September 20, 2317)

Lucien seems to really be enjoying watching Ana grow. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. He was much too sick to participate in the first year of the older children's lives, so I guess he's making up for it now. He's really excited about the baby, too. Barring unforeseen complications, this will be the first pregnancy of mine that he's been present for from start to finish. And the first one of our children that he's delivered. I couldn't think of anyone safer, or that I wanted to do it more. Judging by his reaction, he was rather pleased that I asked him. Honored, even. I guess there is something good about the fact that this child came along so soon on Ana's heels. I know Lucien felt badly for missing those two months of my pregnancy with Ana. Still, I wish it hadn't been *quite* this soon. It feels like I've been pregnant forever. The children are beginning to think it's my natural state. At least the boys are actually excited about the chance to see the baby being born, this time. Jalana described Ana's birth to them, and they've decided it's something they'd like to watch, after all. I think they were fascinated by the fact that there was blood involved. Boys will be boys.

Bedlam, year ten, day 320 (Thursday, October 14, 2317)

I'm getting worried about Isabeux. She's gotten so big, and she's only seven months along. The baby seems perfectly healthy, but he's already reached the size of a full-term baby, and he's still got two more months of growth to go. Given how much size he's going to gain in this time, I don't think there's any way Isabeux can possibly deliver him vaginally. If she tries, the baby will get stuck, and she'll bleed to death. And, unlike with Beauty, I won't be able to help her. My own pregnancy drains me too much for me to be able to transfuse her for nearly the amount of time that it would take to try and get the child out. But she refuses to consider a Caesarean. It's not natural, she says. I don't give a damn if it's natural. By some views, what I do isn't natural, either. But she accepts that, doesn't she? Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do in this situation that will enable her to deliver the child vaginally. Even Lucien isn't sure he could help. The whole birthing process is so delicate. I've tried to explain to her that if she insists on having the child vaginally, she'll die, but she's adamant. Nothing I say seems to make any impression on her. I'm going to talk to Gérard next. Then Felix. Then anyone else I can think of. If enough people that she cares about talk to her, maybe she'll finally listen. For her sake, I hope she does.

Bedlam, year ten, day 323 (Sunday, October 17, 2317)

Gérard and Felix both took the news about as well as can be expected. Felix wanted Tamaryn to speak to Isabeux instead of him. I'm all for Tamaryn talking to Isabeux, but Felix has to do it, too. The more people she hears from, the better our chances of changing her mind. Admittedly, even if she refuses to listen, I doubt Gérard will just sit back and watch her die, but it'll be much easier if she cooperates. I asked Felix and Gérard to make sure she moves into the city before she enters her ninth month. Just as a precaution. With the baby as big as it is, there's a good chance that she'll go into early labor. The closer she is to a hospital when that happens, the better.

Bedlam, year ten, day 346 (Tuesday, November 9, 2317)

Thank the gods they both survived. In the end, the argument about how to deliver the baby was rather moot. Isabeux started bleeding and had to be rushed to the hospital long before the C-section was scheduled. I was afraid this was going to happen. Even with all of our preparations, we still almost lost her. They had to do a hysterectomy in order to save her. I feel terrible about this. Maybe if we'd been there... I don't know. I'm just glad she's alive. She and the baby. They named him Gideon. He's a beautiful baby. He's an enormous baby. I know this sounds terrible, but it may be for the best that Isabeux can't have any more children. For her own sake, at least. Shapeshifting could probably eventually regenerate her uterus, and I've told Gérard as much. Maybe it will help Isabeux deal with the loss, if she knows it doesn't have to be permanent. Still, I hope she doesn't decide to follow that solution for a while, yet. Judging by the expression on Gérard's face, I'm pretty sure he feels the same. The poor man. There are times when having a medical background can be a disadvantage. He knows all too well how close he came to losing Isabeux today.

Bedlam, year ten, day 357 (Saturday, November 20, 2317)

This baby feels like she's going to be larger than Ana was. She's certainly more active. Her kicks already grow forceful enough to be uncomfortable, and they are becoming more frequent. Voicing her displeasure with the accommodations, no doubt. Fortunately, Lucien manages to calm her down when she gets too enthusiastic. How does he do it? I still haven't settled on a name for her, yet. Amara and Melisande seem to be the current favorites among Lucien and the children. I'm still torn between those two and Briana. Amara means "imperishable," Melisande means "strength" and "determination," and Briana means "strong," so they all seem appropriate. At this rate, I may not settle on a name until she's born.

Bedlam, year 11, day one (Monday, November 29, 2317)

Today marks my 60th birthday. Ten years since I first came to Amber. It feels so much longer than that, somehow. I suppose living through three or four wars tends to do have that effect. When I left home a decade ago, I never anticipated that my life would turn out the way it has. I certainly never expected to have five children. Ow. OK, five and 7/9. I wasn't forgetting you, little one. You can stop kicking me now.

Bedlam, year 11, day eight (Monday, December 6, 2317)

I delivered Vialle of a healthy baby boy today. There were no complications, thank the gods. They're going to name him Vaughn. Hopefully, the remaining three births will go as smoothly. Just so long as we don't all go into labor at the same time.

Bedlam, year 11, day 49 (Sunday, January 16, 2318)

This child is going to be the death of me. I swear, even Morgan wasn't quite this active. My ribs, liver and kidneys feel like one giant bruise. Right now, I'd give a lot just for a good night's sleep. Did you hear that, little one?

Bedlam, year 11, day 71 (Monday, February 7, 2318)

Lavender has given birth to Isaac, after only 13 hours of labor. That alone is enough to tell me that he is Driscoll's son, if I didn't know it already. He seems to take most after his great-grandfather, Gramble, in appearance. There's something fitting in that. Felix handled the actual delivery, while I primarily assisted. Lavender says she's going to reverse the arrangement for her next child. I think she was afraid I'd feel slighted if she didn't tell me that. I'm glad she did it this way, actually. Trying to deliver a child with my own due date so close would have been a nightmare.

Bedlam, year 11, day 79 (Tuesday, February 15, 2318)

I suppose my first two pregnancies had rather spoiled me. While neither labor was exactly painless, they were, at least, relatively brief. Briana's delivery, on the other hand, seemed to go on forever. The first half wasn't too bad. Lucien blocked a fair amount of the pain, and kept me rather well distracted with stories about himself. Like when he first realized he was in love with me. I could have listened to that all day. I even managed to nurse Ana without too much difficulty, although blocking that much of the pain seemed a bit of an effort, even for Lucien. But the last couple of hours... Never have I wanted to get a child out of me as badly as I did then. Although the time that Morgan got stuck comes pretty close. At least this time there were no complications like that. Briana just took her time coming out. She's bigger than Ana was, and she already has some hair. It's red and so very fine. Given how restless she was while in the womb, you'd think she'd be happy to finally be out of it, but apparently that wasn't the case. The boys seemed rather impressed by the whole thing, and I appear to have earned some additional respect from them because of it. I'm not sure if it's due to the size of the child I managed to push out from inside of me, or the obvious pain associated with the act. I probably don't want to know. I'm just relieved that it's over. I think I'd like to hold off on any more children for a while, now.

Bedlam, year 11, day 90 (Saturday, February 26, 2318)

Tamaryn gave birth without too much difficulty, given the baby's size. Good thing she's a shapeshifter. They named him Crispin. Which is rather ironic, given that I was considering suggesting that name for Devlin, back when he was born. This baby doesn't have curly hair, though, at least not yet. I was there to serve as midwife, but, to be honest, I didn't have all that much to do. Shapeshifting seems to make the process a lot easier. I couldn't help feeling just a little bit jealous, given the struggle I had with Briana. On the other hand, Crispin was a lot bigger than Briana, so I suppose it all evens out. Felix had the biggest grin I've ever seen on him. I'm glad he'll finally get the opportunity to experience all of the things he missed out on with Foster.

"Outrageous Fortune"
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All text on this page is © 1997 by Kris Fazzari.

Last modified on April 18, 1997 by Kris Fazzari.