From dannimal@engin.umich.edu Thu Mar 31 13:23:43 1994 Date: Thu, 31 Mar 1994 11:20:39 -0500 (EST) From: dann Fuller To: shadows@umich.edu Subject: Ulysses: 3^2 I think I'm finally getting through. Through all the abuse and the pain and the misunderstanding, through to Sandr. It's about 5:00 in the morning, and I'm going to be tired tomorrow, but small is that price, for what we have bought this night. I'll start at the beginning, if that will help clear things up: While we were in the pattern room, Sandr asked me to start a Trump contact, and to pull him thorough if things get hariy. I didn't ask him where he was going, because I knew better than that. He disappeared, and the Trump contact faded. Shit. I trump Bleys, to find out what this might mean. He says that Sandr's now in a warded shadow, or to far away, or dead. Not dead. I hope. I can't go letting my friends die off, that would be rude. Especially one who grew up outside of Amber, and doesn't knwo how to play the game, which is his good fortune. Anyway, I mention that's it's Sandr's trump that did this, and he thinks it's the Death option. Nope. Can't be. I won't let the subject drop. I tell Bleys that Sandr had mentioned something about going to visit Brand, who is still alive, and whom he met ina peyote dream the other day. He gave Sandr a trump. Bleys agrees to look at it if I bring it to him, but it is currently with.....Jubal. I start with a Trump sketch, so I can contact the wayward son. It works, and Jubal only lets go of the card for a favor from Bleys. Great, I need to convince Bleys to help Jubal, so that he can help me. Well, of the elders, only Flora would be more likely to help. Bleys and I go to Jubal, and then sumarrily to Corwin's pattern. See, Jubal wants to find Corwin. I, losing my patience and wanting to find my friend, tell the confused Jubal to walk the pattern, and ask it to take him to Corwin. He is upset, for Bleys did not know of the paternal relationship that was going on. Oops. Jubal gives the Trump to Bleys, and we return. The trump is a trap, and Bleys diffuses it. I gotta learn that trick. The conversation that follows ends with Dworkin. I go back to my room, and Trump the man. He is interesting. I tell him my story, and he suggests I find a better user of Trump. I tell him that Bleys pointed me to him. He says that I should be able to better use the trump here, and that I can try if I want, but I have to go to a different room. Cool, and Elder that's not a dick, and he's ridiculously powerful. This time, the Trump animates, albeit slowly. Sandr is more pushed through, than I pulled him, but he's here. And not happy. There is an eel on his member. Ugh. I tump Gerard, and he looks at us, abd pulls us through without comment. We go up to the infirmary, and I explain what I know to Gerard, after which we discuss how to remove the thing. He decides on Fiona, which thrills me, seeing as she Loves Sandr so much. We four go to a techish shadow, where Fiona proceeds to Shock the eel off of Sandr. We then return home. I thnk Fiona, and proceed to wait until Sandr comes around. He does, eventually, and he tells me that he was with the She-Bitch Chaosite that has been causing all the strife. I trump Fiona, hoping she will pull the face from Sandr's mind, and sketch it for us. She informs me that I can do that, which surprises me, and I think her for the help. Laughter arrives sometine in there, and is later offended that Sandr and I don't like fencing, so she leaves. I try to get Sandr to open up about why he's so fucked in the head. I try to explain that he's an Amberite, and doesn't have to fucked up. He doesn't buy it, which is why he's still fucked up. Cameron comes in, and is well, Cameron. Witty fellow, just wish he had a little more tact. Not that I can talk. Laughter comes back, and is in a huff about Sandr. I try to explain that he's had a bad day, and try to cut him a break. Then I try to get Sandr to apologize, but he truns the tables by "repeating" what I tell him. I want to sleep with her, indeed. True, but not the right tact to take. Laughter is embarrased, and will come back later. I'll get him back for that. You wait. Sandr mentions that he has been 'numb' (?) for seven years, and I ask why. He says that he doesn't wanto to have to feel the pain. I mention that he's also missing the good, but he doesn't mind. How can you not mind? I don't get it, I'd never give up the good things, no matter how bad things get. I try to convince him of this, but he doesn't see how I can be happy all the time. I tell him it's because I don't let the bad things wreck my life, because I know there's good things right around the corner. I go off into shadow, and come back with the most beautiful roses possible. I'm Flora's kid alright. I want Sandr to realize that there's so much good out there, that missing it is the biggest crime you can commit. Laughter comes back, and I try to get her to help me convince Sandr, and she does, a little. I leave the two alone for a minute, so Sandr can give her the flowers, but I think he's given up on her. Too bad. A love interest would help him immensely. Thst night, I stay in Sandr's room again, to make sure that he's alright. He's not. About 2:00 in the morning, he starts the nightmares again. Thrashing, moaning, and eventually the scream. This time, however, he wakes up. A crying wreck, I do my best to help him out, and it seems to work. I notice that he's got a rather large batch of prescription medicine, and I decide that he doesn't need it anymore. He want's to kill himself, and I tell him that's not going to solve anything. I go to my room for a second, to get a book. Illusions, the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. I got it on a trip to Earth, from a kid named Dann Fuller. He's the one who taught me a lot of what I believe now. Good kid. I give the book to Sandr, and tell him to read it in the morning. I tell him not to worry, because I will make it a priority to help him set his life straight, and things WILL get better. He seems a little better off then when we started, so I feel better. I go back to my chair perch, and Sandr falls asleep. Eventually, I will to, I just had to set some things down.