I am Og the caveman.

I invented fire.

You're welcome.

Oddly enough, I possess a great deal of knowledge on the subject of paradox and multi-universal models.

It's a hobby.

Anyway, I will test YOUR knowledge now. If you haven't been there already, visit the paradox section to brush up on your skills.

For the purposes of this quiz, assume you are a mad genius bent on the destruction of humanity. If you already are such a person, please-seek a therapist immediately.

As a mad genius, you have invented a time machine and have decided to go back in time and (gulp) kill me. You assume this will stop, or at the very least stunt, human technological development. The first three questions will test your knowledge of universal models. Choose the answer that seems the most likely. The second three questions will present you with some situations you encounter in the prehistoric era. Identify the paradox you create by meddling with time. When you finish, check your answers and see how dastardly you really are...

1. BLOCK UNIVERSAL MODEL

   Here I am, good old Og, thinking hard about making fire. You come along and try to thwart my noble efforts by throwing a really big rock at my head. Assuming you are in a block universe, what will happen if you succeed?

   1. I fall over with a loud THUMP, and you return to your own time and your maniacal plan has succeeded.
   2. I fall over with a loud BONK, and you return to your own time to find absolutely nothing changed.
   3. I duck at the last minute, prove my physical prowess, and throw a really big rock at YOUR head, thwarting your plans.

2. SPLITTING UNIVERSAL MODEL

   Having finished a lovely helping of raw venison, I sit down to carve some graven images and clear my head so I can invent fire. Here you come again, armed to the teeth with semi-automatic assault rifles, and open fire. What will happen if you succeed in wasting me and stealing my valuable bone necklace?

   1. You return to your own time, heralded as a fashion innovator with your "ultra-retro" necklace, but the world at large seems the same.
   2. Your own time is quite like my own-hunting, gathering, and running in terror from lightning and thunder.
   3. Everything seems okay in the year 2000 C.E., but Dan Quayle is Emperor of the Known Universe.

3. MUTABLE UNIVERSAL MODEL

   I'm armwrestling with my cousin Grug, who wins by default due to your illegal use of a grenade. In a mutable universe, what awaits you when you return home?

   1. Your cat Mr. Fuzzywhiskers and a nice cup of Ovaltine
   2. Headlines heralding the invention of the Steam Engine
   3. Mass destruction, plague, and the end of human existence

   
   

4. THE CAVEMAN KILLING SPREE

   After pummeling me with a tennis racket, you decide that one less caveman just might not do the trick. So, you whack my brother Tak, too. You suddenly remember that you are in a mutable universe-your last thought before you fade from existence. What paradox have you been caught in?

   1. Reversibility Paradox
   2. Grandfather Paradox
   3. Bilking Paradox

5. ROCK MAIDEN/MARTIN RENDEZVOUS

   Despite all your cunning and evil genius, you trip and fall out of your time machine. When you wake up, you are being nursed back to health by a cavewoman / caveman who looks almost EXACTLY like Christina Aguilera or Ricky Martin (depending on your preference) in a mammoth hide. You set aside your evil ways, fall in love, and raise a cave family. Eventually, you remember the reason that you became an evil genius-to thwart the plans of your second cousin, CHRISTINA AGUILERA / RICKY MARTIN!!! What paradox have you created here?

   1. Grandfather Paradox
   2. Reversibility Paradox
   3. Sexual Paradox

6. THE MAN WITH THE PLAN

   Remember this guy? He showed up at your house about a year ago and gave you the plans for a time machine. He said that if you went back and decided to put the hurt on old Og, you would be ruler of the world. You build the machine, but as you look in the shiny reflective surface, you realize that this guy looks a lot like you. As a matter of fact, he could BE you. Finding this to be too creepy even for your dementia, you scrap the project and take up stamp collecting. What kind of paradox have you created?

   1. Sexual Paradox
   2. Grandfather Paradox
   3. Bilking Paradox

1. C: In a block universe, if you KNOW I invented fire, there's no way to change that. You'll fail in your cunning plan no matter what.

2. A: In a splitting universe, every decision spawns an entirely new cosmos. Since you came from a timeline where I invented fire, you will return to that timeline. However, you would have created an alternate universe in which you succeeded, and the consequences of that action take their course.

3. B: In a mutable universe, things change to reflect the actions of the past. You changed the world when you whacked me, so you set back technological development by 200 or so years.

4. B: You killed an ancient ancestor in a mutable universe. The consequences of your action? You were never born-take that, Mr. Or Ms. Evil Genius.

5. C: Pretty simple, huh?

6. C: You have asserted your free will in defiance of causality and cosmic conundrums. Good Show!

1 Right: Seriously, we worked hard on this. Do some of the reading. Not at all Evil / F

2 Right: Maybe it's late, you've had too many tacos today, you're just not paying that much attention right now. Slightly Evil / D

3 Right: You're halfway there. You would be an excellent Yes-man or woman. Try reading through the paradox section all the way. Kinda Evil / C

4 Right: Nice. Some of these questions are tricky, but you seemed to get the gist of it. Pretty Evil / B

5 Right: Fabulous. If I had some candy, you would get some. Sinister / B+

6 Right: I am in awe of your devious power to comprehend a short essay. Darth Vader / A