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Pope and Sterne give Help to the Ill:
Good day, my name is Alexander Pope. You may
know me already as that smarty-pants satirist. Perhaps you may not
know that I have suffered in my life, from sickness divine. I have
put together a little listing of my several diseases and the way
I went about fighting them in order to help you, the curious reader,
to fight your own various illnesses.
editor's note: some words below are linked to Johnson's
dictionary, a helpful resource.
- Oh my dear sirs, I am a sad picture of a man. I
don't usually like to share my woes, but I will do it here for my
good friends who are making this remedy booklet. I suffer from a
constant illness. My spine is curving
and my body is weak. I am a very small man. In order to stand erect
I wear a bodice of stiff canvas. Now that I am older I need the
help of maids to do most anything. (1)
But really all my life I have been sickly.
- For those of us with short stature (I must admit
finally that I am a mighty 4ft. 6in.) I would recommend having a
handy chair that can be raised to the level of the dining table
so as not to appear silly. (2)
- For headaches I recommend coffee. I do have a great
many of those.(3)
- When I was younger I suffered a nervous disorder,
believed to be from too much studying. For this Dr. John Radcliffe
advised that I was placed on a diet, restricted from overworking
myself, and that I go on walks in Windsor Forest, like some dog
I tell you. But I still partake of this. (4)
- There is always the warm liniments, embrocations,
and blisters to be put where the pain is. (5)
- I sometimes go to Bath, to the bagnios,
to partake in the soothing waters. I find that this helps
some in my pain. One should drink the waters there as well as bathe
in them. And also at Bristol. (6)
- I was advised to take physick before I should come
to the baths. And so all the sisters of my friend Sir William Codrington
insisted I do this. One mixed my electuary, one pounded sulphur,
and another ordered broth. It was really quite silly. They then
came to me most forceful that I should take of the pills and physic
in a pot. (7)
- For a variety of ailments I was told to take Asses'
milk, it is supposedly quite good for many diseases, for it is as
beneficial as mother's milk. I found that it did improve my strength.
(8)
- If one should become very desperate, as I did lately
over a (pardon me ladies) urinary infection (not, as some would
like to say, from sexual adventures), one could use the help of
a chirurgeon, I recommend Mr.
Cheselden. Beware, this is a most painful undertaking. (9)
- Don't overindulge with the wine and liquor!! It
makes one heavy and disordered. Gluttony is a sin.
- My herbs include
Millepedes and Garlick and Horehound Tea. I have also taken Alkalizd
Mercury in five pills a day, perscribed by Dr. Burton. (10)
- And then there is the advice of Dr. Thomas Thomson,
who has pushed the purge upon me, where you must get the evil out
by bleeding or vomiting or some such silliness. (11)
And Now Dear Friends, a short
essay that our friend Pope has written on illness, for your amusement...
And I am the wondrous Laurence Sterne,
here to be unsentimental and share with the readers of this booklet
a few remedies and healthy witticisms to help those who share in my
disease of consumption. Enjoy!!
- As I wrote in the fifth volume of Tristram
Shandy: "O Blessed health! cried my father...He that
has thee, has little more to wish for;-and he that is so wretched
as to want thee,-wants every thing with thee." A quote I
whole-heartedly agree with. (12)
- All my life, dear readers, I have been a sick man.
While at Cambridge studying in my youth I awoke one night to find
that I had bled my bed full. I had broke a vessel in my lungs. In
the morning I sent for a chirurgeon to bleed
me at my arms. The most useful and relaxing remedy of bloodletting
allows for a cleansing of my lungs. I still partake of this remedy.
(13)
- Always the vile cough.
Many times I was recommended to spend time in kinder climates, like
Toulouse and Naples, but I am afraid that they were really of no
help. (14)
- You must not tell my wife but I find that companionship
is at times the best medicine. To be alone is fatal to a sick person.
(15)
- Eating well, and not overdoing the merry times
is advisable to one with my disease.
- But finally, I think it is really my work that
keeps me moving and excited. I am not a serious man, but I do think
that work in all its puritanism is good for the soul, and the lungs.
I am now working on a most glorious novel about feelings. I think
one's own feelings and sentiments are important to one's happiness.
thanks for visiting, we hope this was a helpful reading
get the next issue to read about our fabulous advice
on what to wear to your next formal,
POPE and STERNE.
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